Thursday, September 4th action

Last night’s action was decidedly tame with the absence of Thunder Dan (aka Drunk Dan or Action Dan or Mortgage Broker Dan or State Trooper Checkpoint Dan) however the game went on without him seven handed. Our beloved host, Sir Lawrence, showed up late to his own game and played as though he was desperate to make up for the lost time. Clearly a little off his game and channeling the spirit of Drunk Dan, Sir Lawrence got felted FOUR times in a two plus hour period by FOUR different players. In fact, every Gentile player at last night’s game was able to crack Lawrence at least one time with only our Jewish friends, Dan K and Kevin Todd Cooper, missing out on the fun. We’re not sure what that religious stat means but we’ll keep our eye on any sort of potential religious collusion at the table in the future. Sir Lawrence’s awful play resulted in $800 in losses and his pathetic display continued well after he left the game as he spent time on his couch, forlornly watching the action while Googling his own name on his damaged laptop while eating chunky peanut butter with his dirty index finger. A sadder display we can not recall. In addition, the pumpernickel pretzels that were the hit of the game a week prior never made an appearance. Overall, certainly a night Sir Lawrence would like to forget however we’ll point out he’s still well atop the leaderboard year-to-date. For those counting at home, Drunk Dan has missed three sessions this year and Larry has posted losses all three nights. Looks like “Lar” might have to refinance his house yet again to get his inebriated friend some additional cash flow.

In other action, Michael J. Hauer ended his horrid four session losing streak as predicted in this blog last week and clearly put August in his rear view mirror by winning $331. Mike’s hand of the night was Sir Lawrence’s first “felt-ing” getting himself all-in pre-flop with the best of K K versus Q Q despite Shady Sir Lawrence actually dealing said hand. If Mr. Hauer’s beloved Oilers (Titans, whatever) can upset the Jaguars on Sunday, this has the chance to be a truly magical weekend for him.

Mr. Chad, this blogger’s favorite player, was the big winner of the night profiting $337 by methodically winning small and medium sized pots early while getting in on the fun of cracking Sir Lawrence. Mr. Chad tried his hardest after midnight to give his chips away by repeatedly chasing open-ended straights that he knew were never coming but still managed to hold onto most of his winnings. Mr. Chad, usually the finest gentleman in the room, did commit the poker feux pas of the night by only throwing his chips into the river well after making a weak losing call. We’ll overlook that transgression this time because of the fine reputation Mr. Chad has built over these last few months.

Dana C. made his return to the game from the beaches of Aruba and had an up and down night that ultimately resulted in a huge profit of $15 which is just about enough to pay for one of those fruity “woo woo’s” or other tropical drinks it’s rumored Dana enjoyed extensively while vacationing despite his macho image to the contrary. Dana did aggressively play Q 2 offsuit twice and hit (and got paid) both times he did so we may have a new name for a hand (“The Orangeman” for any Q 2 offsuit). We’ll see if that one sticks.

Kevin T. Cooper followed up his humongous profits from a week prior by showing up, reading the paper, making several jokes that fell flat, staring at his girlfriend’s picture on his work issued blackberry and, ever so occasionally, playing a hand of poker. Cooper’s hand of the night was his pre-flop fold of 8 6 unsuited when he accidentally exposed both cards. Truly inspiring and memorable stuff. All that being said, Cooper did manage to eke out a $28 profit, his fourth straight winning session and one short of the current record of five currently shared by Sir Lawrence and Dana C. We fully expect a pre-flop raise of $20 on the first hand next week from Mr. Cooper in an attempt to win the $3 blinds, a quick cash out and endless bragging about his then 5 session winning streak. Can’t wait for that.

TJ had a nice night last night as well (+$329), also putting Sir Lawrence in his place. In fact, TJ Larry’d Larry by hitting his two pair on the river (with 2 3 in his hand) to best Sir Lawrence’s top pair as a little bit of good karma finally fell his way. Add on top of that TJ’s nice Giants bet and his ability to fend off Kevin Smith for Randy Moss trade offers from the morons in his fantasy football league and it was a truly productive night for the only 20 something in this group of 30 something degenerates.

Finally, Dan K. ended his one session winning streak by quietly losing $190 and now sits second to the bottom on the year-to-date leaderboard although still about $472,432 better than the other person named Dan who participates in these weekly lovefests. We believe all future games should contain at least one Dan in order to be sanctioned events.

Have a good weekend, go Birds.