Thursday, September 18th action

Last night was our largest participation night since April with 11 degenerates trudging up Sir Lawrence’s recently re-paved driveway. Fortunately, this time, Sir Lawrence did not have the cops waiting for us and the game went on without incident.

Several players made their long awaited return to action including the jet lagged Hawaii Jay Evans, the personable Brian “Moke or Muck” Milewski and the mysterious John J. Keegan. Hawaii Jay Evans had the wildest ride of the group getting busted early with set over set and then grinding his way back into positive ground only to have his pocket Kings picked off by our beloved host’s (Sir Lawrence) flopped set of queens. Jay, ever the survivor, kept at it and ultimately lost less than $100 for the night which is quite the accomplishment considering the run of poor luck he experienced. Jay, thanks for stopping in and we’ll see you on your next trip back from Florida or whatever warm weather state you are from.

Moke took time out of his busy schedule of hitting on loose women with low moral fiber to join us last night although most players barely noticed. Moke’s major contribution to the game was demonstrating to the group the proper folding technique and his tourist-y “Outer Banks” playing cards. We eagerly look forward to Moke’s next trip down the shore as we have always dreamed of playing in a live Hold ‘Em game with a deck of cards that says “Stone Harbor”. Either way, Moke quietly lost a little over $200. Moke, we’ll see you again in December.

As for John J. Keegan, we assume he made his return to Lederach based off of his impressive results in his first outing and the wild, unpredictable play of Drunk Action Dan. Dan certainly did not disappoint him this time but Mr. Keegan has failed to learn Rule #2 of the Lederach Poker Game. DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN A BIG HAND WHEN LARRY IS DEALING. Mr. Keegan’s call of Drunk Action Drunk’s big blind bet was subsequently called by Sir Lawrence’s pocket 3’s and just like magic, a 3 came up on the flop. An expensive $250 lesson on that hand for Mr. Keegan but a lesson we have all learned at one time or another. And for those of you wondering what Rule #1 is at Lederach……..never, ever let Drunk Action Dan leave the table with cash.

In other action, Kevin T. Cooper kept his promise to only play pocket Aces or better and did precisely that by winning all of his +$575 with pocket Aces by hitting set over set against Hawaii Jay-O and picking off two Dan’s for the price of one when his pocket Aces held all-in pre-flop against A Q and 4 4. Mr. Cooper also provided the most homoerotic moment of the night by hugging our host, Sir Lawrence, in jubilation in a weird attempt to thank him for inviting Drunk Action Dan after felting our favorite clueless mortgage broker. Yuck.

Mr. Dana, evidently still reeling from the pounding his Orangemen took last weekend for the third weekend in a row, dumped his chips early and often but presumably got a full night of sleep by leaving well before 10pm thus breaking his modest two session winning streak.

America’s favorite Italian import, Joseph Crawford, came to play late but was ready to go, as usual. His biggest hand of the night was against fellow Islander Jay Evans, where young Joseph got paid nicely after flopping a straight against poor Jay’s bottom two pair. Otherwise, Joseph was relatively quiet preferring to spend most of his time debating such riveting topics as whether professional soccer players are in as good of shape as amateur synchronized swimmers. (They aren’t).

The big winner of the night was this blogger’s favorite card player, Michael J. Hauer, who took home nearly $1,000 for his efforts. His big hand of the night was taking down arch-nemesis, Sir Lawrence, on a beautiful straight versus a measly two pair. Msgr. Hauer is as nice of a guy as you can find and Sir Lawrence has been quite ornery lately so the room took some pleasure in this result. Sorry, Larry, it’s true. Msgr. Hauer is solidly in second place now on the year-to-date leaderboard well above retired Gay Ron.

TJ, still licking his wounds from a one on one beating the night before against Sir Lawrence, was quiet most of the night but did squeeze out a nice $90 profit, his first positive night at this weekly event since early August. TJ decided to lay low and keep his new moves (he’s been reading a book) under covers and break it out for “Donkey Festival 2008” occurring this Saturday at Kevin T. Cooper’s palatial estate in Oaks and will feature none other than Drunk Action Dan (drinking in the morning!) and Chommie, the world’s dumbest Jew. Laying low was certainly a good idea and we applaud TJ’s discipline.

Sir Lawrence had his usually volatility but ultimately finished within $10 of even for the night despite being involved in numerous big hands. Sir Lawrence already gets mentioned way too much as it is and we’re tired of talking about him so we’ll say no more. For now, at least.

Dan K. had a rough night dropping $500 (or “5 Large” as the kids say), about the price of his new IPhone, and is now firmly in second to last place in our year-to-date statistics. Our stat of the night: People with the first name “Dan” are now down over $8200 for the year.

As for Drunk Action Dan, where do we begin? Drunk Action Dan was on fire early and had more than doubled up on his initial $300 before his ADD, ADHD, OCD, alcoholism and other assorted behavioral defects began kicking in. At this point, Drunk Action Dan began getting more aggressive than Ron at the Gay Bingo Night in Royerford that he has been attending each Thursday instead of the weekly card game he should be attending. Anyway, it was just a matter of time before Drunk Action Dan busted and this blogger is so looking forward to Drunk Action Dan coming over and playing this Saturday in his basement that it’s doubtful he’ll get any sleep tonight. Dan is now flirting with the magical -$7,000 loss mark for the year. This is like watching McGwire chase Maris. Glad I have a front run seat.

Have a great weekend. Go Phils.