This week, our Lederach poker crew of degenerate gamblers convened on Wednesday night in order to leave us the opportunity to spend more time with our loved ones on Thursday night: Cole Hamels, Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and the rest of our Phillies. For those counting at home, six wins until a parade and a lifetime of humiliation, pain and torment is all relieved. Once again, I digress.
As for the action itself, we played six-handed with the “quickly becoming extremely annoying” late arrival from Sir Lawrence to his own game along with the usual fashionably late arrival from Joseph J. Crawford and the unexcused late arrival from Msgr. Michael J. Hauer. Sir Lawrence arrived straight off a 30 hour bender of poker at the Borgata where he spent a majority of his time bullying tourists, building his stacks and, presumably, becoming the first Hold ‘Em player ever to place an order for chunky peanut butter with a cocktail waitress. Sir Lawrence, always difficult to look at even at even on his best day, looked much worse off without his beauty sleep although his game certainly didn’t suffer at all. In fact, Sir Lawrence won nearly $1,000 for the night by playing his usual assortment of garbage hands and bullying his way to victory or sucking out on his poor, unsuspecting guests. All of this is discussed further in painful detail below. Sir Lawrence needs to be given some credit, however, as he is now lapping the field and up to nearly $7,000 in profits for the year. Well done, Larry, now please take a shower, get some sleep and use some mouthwash. Your melting face scared us.
Kevin T. Cooper celebrating Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, had a volatile night losing early, winning in the middle and losing late for a total of -$165. Mr. Cooper got felted early on by Sir Lawrence after his good call post flop with an over pair on a big all-in bet ended up losing to Sir Lawrence’s flush draw that hit. Mr. Cooper, clearly cranky and nearly delirious from the 46 minutes of fasting he had done at that point to atone for his numerous sins over the past year, threw a temper tantrum and threatened to quit before wisely cashing back in. Mr. Cooper eventually won approximately $500 less than an hour later on back-to-back hands, the second one cracking Drunk Action Dan with trip 4’s. The Gandhi-like starvation eventually got to Mr. Cooper as he continued his self destructive habit of making bizarre minimum raises into big pots with awful hands. Overall, a lousy night for Mr. Cooper. Let’s just hope God noticed all that fasting in the past 22 hours and is a little friendlier on the river to Mr. Cooper the next 12 months.
As for other players, Michael J. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite poker player, had a wild night resulting in losses of his total buy-in of $300. Msgr. Hauer was out of sorts from the start, arriving late and coming in and mysteriously finding Mr. Cooper raising pre-flop on back-to-back hands. That should have been a sign to Msgr. Hauer that something strange was in the air and it wasn’t to be his night. Msgr. Hauer had a chance to finally solve his enigma, Drunk Action Dan, and felt him for the first time in many sessions. Instead, Drunk Action Dan hit his two runners for a split pot on a big hand where he was way behind. It was all downhill from there for Msgr. Hauer. Later on, Msgr. Hauer was pushed off a huge hand on the river, again with a chance to bust Drunk Action Dan, on Drunk Action Dan’s big Ace high bluff on the river. Not to be outdone, landscaper extraordinaire Joe Crawford re-raised Msgr. Hauer out of a hand later on in the night, also with nothing in his hand. Finally, Msgr. Hauer finished his night with a brutal beat as he flopped a full house against arch-nemesis Sir Lawrence only to see Sir Lawrence, once again, hit his runners for a better full house and bust Msgr. Hauer. Hopefully the Titans early season Super Bowl push will ease some of his pain.
Dana continued his plunge into oblivion by dropping nearly $300 for the night. In fact, the only real highlight of Mr. Dana’s night was winning a pointless $25 side bet with sleepy Larry on whether or not he had a hand he claimed he did. After Dana’s first four sessions of the year, he was up over $1600 and now, lo these many months later, Dana has officially fallen into the red for the year. It’s only speculation but, clearly, Mr. Dana’s recent non-poker association with Drunk Action Dan has not been good for his game. Dumb stat of the week: All 3 players whose names start with “Dan” are in the red for the year.
Joseph J. Crawford returned back to his typical form that everyone knows and loves: Get beat up early, keep battling and ultimately win at the end. Think Rocky but if Rocky had long shaggy hair, mulched your garden for you and was working on a thesis for the last 12 years. Anyway, Joe got cracked, not once but twice and found himself down over $300 and within $70 of being done for the night before getting all-in against Sir Lawrence way behind in the hand but caught up with his specialty, the two card running flush. Joseph J. Crawford used the momentum from that hand to push Msgr. Hauer out of the big hand described above and ultimately scrapped his way to an $80 profit for the night. Once again, well done brother.
And, finally, last but never least, Drunk Action Dan had his most mellow night of the year very quietly losing his $300 with almost all of it going on the aforementioned trip 4’s to Mr. Cooper. Drunk Action Dan played sober and seemed confused by the Wednesday night game as it did not happen to coincide with any football or baseball action and allow him to lose even more money than just his normal poker losses. Either way, Drunk Action Dan is now down over $7,600 for the year. The race is on between Drunk Action Dan and the Dow to see which will cross 8,000 first. For the first time, we can actually say we’ll put our money on Drunk Action Dan.
Go Phils.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25th action
Last night featured some frisky six-handed action in Lederach with much of that action occurring well after this blogger was already long asleep dreaming about his beautiful Jewish American princess of a girlfriend. Ahhh, what a woman…..but I digress.
The night was truly “A Tale of Two Cities” for our beloved host Sir Lawrence and his worthy adversary, Mr. Dana. (That will also be the last time I ever reference literature in this blog). Mr. Dana started off on fire and had nearly $1,000 in profits in front of him at one point while Sir Lawrence moped his way to early losses of nearly $800. Mr. Dana was pretty much beating anybody and everybody at the beginning of the night, even adding the dealer button to his large stacks at one point much to the chagrin of the OCD Kevin T. Cooper. Mr. Dana was even the one to send Action Drunk Dan on his sober way last night busting him with his flush over two pair. After midnight, however, when only the most dangerous creatures prowl, Sir Lawrence started to get his “Mojo” back and begun raising irrationally like only he knows how. Sir Lawrence took out Joseph J. Crawford (detailed below) and used that sudden burst of momentum to begin playing every single hand. The late night hand of the night was Sir Lawrence’s turned gut shot straight which ultimately got him doubled up on a $1,000 plus hand when Mr. Dana rivered a lesser straight. Mr. Dana’s recent woes continue as nearly all of his $1600 plus profits are gone from earlier this year. We would go into further detail on this but Mr. Dana already has enough stress trading in this crazy market and, more importantly, we’re still scared he will hurt us if we harp on his losses for too long. Let’s be safe and move on.
As for Joseph J. Crawford, it was his first tough night all month and not just because the Nor’easter we were expecting started, wiping out all the potential landscaping work his “illegals” were going to be doing for him this weekend for $2 an hour. Poor Joe. Instead, fueled by the world’s largest Red Bull, Joey battled all night to stay near even and then got involved with our host, Sir Lawrence, in his last two hands of the night losing more than $200 on those and ultimately finishing down -$289 for the evening. The poker gods might have been inflicting some karmic justice on Young Joseph for flaunting a successful bluff in Kevin T. Cooper’s face after only days earlier taking the same Mr. Cooper for more than $700 in a hand after Young Joseph made a terrible call but ultimately hit two runners for a flush and the winner. Not that we’re bitter or anything.
Michael J. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite card player ever, wrapped up a huge September with his third winning session of the month matching Sir Lawrence’s $494 profit for the night. Msgr. Hauer was the beneficiary of boat over boat against J.J. Crawford, early on, and a big early hand against Sir Lawrence where his flush bested Sir Lawrence’s two pair. Late night, however, Mr. Hauer got talked into a call by the sneaky Sir Lawrence on a Q 5 8 K 2 board when Mr. Hauer’s A Q felt compelled to call a check raise on the river for an additional $115 when Sir Lawrence showed the world the Queen he had in his hand. Of course, we all know that the other card not shown by Sir Lawrence was the case Queen. Ouch. We aren’t sure who dealt but are willing to bet significant money that the dealer’s last name on that hand rhymes with “Smell-son”.
In other action, Drunk Action Dan, now known as Danny Eight Times for his penchant for repeating everything eight times (“Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?’, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over”?), made his usual donation, this time -$527, and futile late night Wawa run. Danny Eight Times blew past the $7,000 loss mark since we started keeping tabs in April and now has $8,000 in losses firmly in his sights. His quest for $10,000 in losses before the end of the year looks quite realistic given his shouting “I can’t bet that” tell when he has nothing has gotten worse than Teddy KGB munching on those Oreos. Danny Eight Times also introduced the poker world to the first ever verbal string bet last night: “Kev, I bet 30, 40, 50, 60, 74 dollars”. We don’t know what to quite make of that but keep doing it.
Finally last, but not certainly not least, is Kevin T. Cooper who quietly won $118 and whose only big hand was getting paid nicely on his pocket Aces. Once again, Kevin T. Cooper only plays pocket Aces or better, why does everyone insist on getting involved with him? Must be the engaging personality. Anyway, Mr. Cooper has now booked 6 winning sessions in his last 7 tries, is firmly in the black for the year, climbing the leaderboard rapidly and now in fourth place overall. Maybe now he can finally buy something nice for that Jewish American princess of his……
Have a great weekend, go Phils.
The night was truly “A Tale of Two Cities” for our beloved host Sir Lawrence and his worthy adversary, Mr. Dana. (That will also be the last time I ever reference literature in this blog). Mr. Dana started off on fire and had nearly $1,000 in profits in front of him at one point while Sir Lawrence moped his way to early losses of nearly $800. Mr. Dana was pretty much beating anybody and everybody at the beginning of the night, even adding the dealer button to his large stacks at one point much to the chagrin of the OCD Kevin T. Cooper. Mr. Dana was even the one to send Action Drunk Dan on his sober way last night busting him with his flush over two pair. After midnight, however, when only the most dangerous creatures prowl, Sir Lawrence started to get his “Mojo” back and begun raising irrationally like only he knows how. Sir Lawrence took out Joseph J. Crawford (detailed below) and used that sudden burst of momentum to begin playing every single hand. The late night hand of the night was Sir Lawrence’s turned gut shot straight which ultimately got him doubled up on a $1,000 plus hand when Mr. Dana rivered a lesser straight. Mr. Dana’s recent woes continue as nearly all of his $1600 plus profits are gone from earlier this year. We would go into further detail on this but Mr. Dana already has enough stress trading in this crazy market and, more importantly, we’re still scared he will hurt us if we harp on his losses for too long. Let’s be safe and move on.
As for Joseph J. Crawford, it was his first tough night all month and not just because the Nor’easter we were expecting started, wiping out all the potential landscaping work his “illegals” were going to be doing for him this weekend for $2 an hour. Poor Joe. Instead, fueled by the world’s largest Red Bull, Joey battled all night to stay near even and then got involved with our host, Sir Lawrence, in his last two hands of the night losing more than $200 on those and ultimately finishing down -$289 for the evening. The poker gods might have been inflicting some karmic justice on Young Joseph for flaunting a successful bluff in Kevin T. Cooper’s face after only days earlier taking the same Mr. Cooper for more than $700 in a hand after Young Joseph made a terrible call but ultimately hit two runners for a flush and the winner. Not that we’re bitter or anything.
Michael J. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite card player ever, wrapped up a huge September with his third winning session of the month matching Sir Lawrence’s $494 profit for the night. Msgr. Hauer was the beneficiary of boat over boat against J.J. Crawford, early on, and a big early hand against Sir Lawrence where his flush bested Sir Lawrence’s two pair. Late night, however, Mr. Hauer got talked into a call by the sneaky Sir Lawrence on a Q 5 8 K 2 board when Mr. Hauer’s A Q felt compelled to call a check raise on the river for an additional $115 when Sir Lawrence showed the world the Queen he had in his hand. Of course, we all know that the other card not shown by Sir Lawrence was the case Queen. Ouch. We aren’t sure who dealt but are willing to bet significant money that the dealer’s last name on that hand rhymes with “Smell-son”.
In other action, Drunk Action Dan, now known as Danny Eight Times for his penchant for repeating everything eight times (“Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?’, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over?”, “Lar, Do we have the over”?), made his usual donation, this time -$527, and futile late night Wawa run. Danny Eight Times blew past the $7,000 loss mark since we started keeping tabs in April and now has $8,000 in losses firmly in his sights. His quest for $10,000 in losses before the end of the year looks quite realistic given his shouting “I can’t bet that” tell when he has nothing has gotten worse than Teddy KGB munching on those Oreos. Danny Eight Times also introduced the poker world to the first ever verbal string bet last night: “Kev, I bet 30, 40, 50, 60, 74 dollars”. We don’t know what to quite make of that but keep doing it.
Finally last, but not certainly not least, is Kevin T. Cooper who quietly won $118 and whose only big hand was getting paid nicely on his pocket Aces. Once again, Kevin T. Cooper only plays pocket Aces or better, why does everyone insist on getting involved with him? Must be the engaging personality. Anyway, Mr. Cooper has now booked 6 winning sessions in his last 7 tries, is firmly in the black for the year, climbing the leaderboard rapidly and now in fourth place overall. Maybe now he can finally buy something nice for that Jewish American princess of his……
Have a great weekend, go Phils.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18th action
Last night was our largest participation night since April with 11 degenerates trudging up Sir Lawrence’s recently re-paved driveway. Fortunately, this time, Sir Lawrence did not have the cops waiting for us and the game went on without incident. Several players made t
heir long awaited return to action including the jet lagged Hawaii Jay Evans, the personable Brian “Moke or Muck” Milewski and the mysterious John J. Keegan. Hawaii Jay Evans had the wildest ride of the group getting busted early with set over set and then grinding his way back into positive ground only to have his pocket Kings picked off by our beloved host’s (Sir Lawrence) flopped set of queens. Jay, ever the survivor, kept at it and ultimately lost less than $100 for the night which is quite the accomplishment considering the run of poor luck he experienced. Jay, thanks for stopping in and we’ll see you on your next trip back from Florida or whatever warm weather state you are from.
Moke took time out of his busy schedule of hitting on loose women with low moral fiber to join us last night although most players barely noticed. Moke’s major contribution to the game was demonstrating to the group the proper folding technique and his tourist-y “Outer Banks” playing cards. We eagerly look forward to Moke’s next trip down the shore as we have always dreamed of playing in a live Hold ‘Em game with a deck of cards that says “Stone Harbor”. Either way, Moke quietly lost a little over $200. Moke, we’ll see you again in December.
As for John J. Keegan, we assume he made his return to Lederach based off of his impressive results in his first outing and the wild, unpredictable play of Drunk Action Dan. D
an certainly did not disappoint him this time but Mr. Keegan has failed to learn Rule #2 of the Lederach Poker Game. DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN A BIG HAND WHEN LARRY IS DEALING. Mr. Keegan’s call of Drunk Action Drunk’s big blind bet was subsequently called by Sir Lawrence’s pocket 3’s and just like magic, a 3 came up on the flop. An expensive $250 lesson on that hand for Mr. Keegan but a lesson we have all learned at one time or another. And for those of you wondering what Rule #1 is at Lederach……..never, ever let Drunk Action Dan leave the table with cash.
In other action, Kevin T. Cooper kept his promise to only play pocket Aces or better and did precisely that by winning all of his +$575 with pocket Aces by hitting set over set against Hawaii Jay-O and picking off two Dan’s for the price of one when his pocket Aces held all-in pre-flop against A Q and 4 4. Mr. Cooper also provided the most homoerotic moment of the night by hugging our host, Sir Lawrence, in jubilation in a weird attempt to thank him for inviting Drunk Action Dan after felting our favorite clueless mortgage broker. Yuck.
Mr. Dana, evidently still reeling from the pounding his Orangemen took last weekend for the third weekend in a row, dumped his chips early and often but presumably got a full night of sleep by leaving well before 10pm thus breaking his modest two session winning streak.
America’s favorite Italian import, Joseph Crawford, came to play late but was ready to go, as usual. His biggest hand of the night was against fellow Islander Jay Evans, where young Joseph got paid nicely after flopping a straight against poor Jay’s bottom two pair. Otherwise, Joseph was relatively quiet preferring to spend most of his time debating such riveting topics as whether professional soccer players are in as good of shape as amateur synchronized swimmers. (They aren’t).
heir long awaited return to action including the jet lagged Hawaii Jay Evans, the personable Brian “Moke or Muck” Milewski and the mysterious John J. Keegan. Hawaii Jay Evans had the wildest ride of the group getting busted early with set over set and then grinding his way back into positive ground only to have his pocket Kings picked off by our beloved host’s (Sir Lawrence) flopped set of queens. Jay, ever the survivor, kept at it and ultimately lost less than $100 for the night which is quite the accomplishment considering the run of poor luck he experienced. Jay, thanks for stopping in and we’ll see you on your next trip back from Florida or whatever warm weather state you are from.Moke took time out of his busy schedule of hitting on loose women with low moral fiber to join us last night although most players barely noticed. Moke’s major contribution to the game was demonstrating to the group the proper folding technique and his tourist-y “Outer Banks” playing cards. We eagerly look forward to Moke’s next trip down the shore as we have always dreamed of playing in a live Hold ‘Em game with a deck of cards that says “Stone Harbor”. Either way, Moke quietly lost a little over $200. Moke, we’ll see you again in December.
As for John J. Keegan, we assume he made his return to Lederach based off of his impressive results in his first outing and the wild, unpredictable play of Drunk Action Dan. D
an certainly did not disappoint him this time but Mr. Keegan has failed to learn Rule #2 of the Lederach Poker Game. DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN A BIG HAND WHEN LARRY IS DEALING. Mr. Keegan’s call of Drunk Action Drunk’s big blind bet was subsequently called by Sir Lawrence’s pocket 3’s and just like magic, a 3 came up on the flop. An expensive $250 lesson on that hand for Mr. Keegan but a lesson we have all learned at one time or another. And for those of you wondering what Rule #1 is at Lederach……..never, ever let Drunk Action Dan leave the table with cash.In other action, Kevin T. Cooper kept his promise to only play pocket Aces or better and did precisely that by winning all of his +$575 with pocket Aces by hitting set over set against Hawaii Jay-O and picking off two Dan’s for the price of one when his pocket Aces held all-in pre-flop against A Q and 4 4. Mr. Cooper also provided the most homoerotic moment of the night by hugging our host, Sir Lawrence, in jubilation in a weird attempt to thank him for inviting Drunk Action Dan after felting our favorite clueless mortgage broker. Yuck.
Mr. Dana, evidently still reeling from the pounding his Orangemen took last weekend for the third weekend in a row, dumped his chips early and often but presumably got a full night of sleep by leaving well before 10pm thus breaking his modest two session winning streak.
America’s favorite Italian import, Joseph Crawford, came to play late but was ready to go, as usual. His biggest hand of the night was against fellow Islander Jay Evans, where young Joseph got paid nicely after flopping a straight against poor Jay’s bottom two pair. Otherwise, Joseph was relatively quiet preferring to spend most of his time debating such riveting topics as whether professional soccer players are in as good of shape as amateur synchronized swimmers. (They aren’t).
The big winner of the night was this blogger’s favorite card player, Michael J. Hauer, who took home nearly $1,000 for his efforts. His big hand of the night was taking down arch-nemesis, Sir Lawrence, on a beautiful straight versus a measly two pair. Msgr. Hauer is as nice of a guy as you can find and Sir Lawrence has been quite ornery lately so the room took some pleasure in this result. Sorry, Larry, it’s true. Msgr. Hauer is solidly in second place now on the year-to-date leaderboard well above retired Gay Ron.
TJ, still licking his wounds from a one on one beating the night before against Sir Lawrence, was quiet most of the night but did squeeze out a nice $90 profit, his first positive night at this weekly event since early August. TJ decided to lay low and keep his new moves (he’s been reading a book) under covers and break it out for “Donkey Festival 2008” occurring this Saturday at Kevin T. Cooper’s palatial estate in Oaks and will feature none other than Drunk Action Dan (drinking in the morning!) and Chommie, the world’s dumbest Jew. Laying low was certainly a good idea and we applaud TJ’s discipline.
Sir Lawrence had his usually volatility but ultimately finished within $10 of even for the night despite being involved in numerous big hands. Sir Lawrence already gets mentioned way too much as it is and we’re tired of talking about him so we’ll say no more. For now, at least.Dan K. had a rough night dropping $500 (or “5 Large” as the kids say), about the price of his new IPhone, and is now firmly in second to last place in our year-to-date statistics. Our stat of the night: People with the first name “Dan” are now down over $8200 for the year.
As for Drunk Action Dan, where do we begin? Drunk Action Dan was on fire early and had more than doubled up on his initial $300 before his ADD, ADHD, OCD, alcoholism and other assorted behavioral defects began kicking in. At this point, Drunk Action Dan began getting more aggressive than Ron at the Gay Bingo Night in Royerford that he has been attending each Thursday instead of the weekly card game he should be attending. Anyway, it was just a matter of time before Drunk Action Dan busted and this blogger is so looking forward to Drunk Action Dan coming over and playing this Saturday in his basement that it’s doubtful he’ll get any sleep tonight. Dan is now flirting with the magical -$7,000 loss mark for the year. This is like watching McGwire chase Maris. Glad I have a front run seat.
Have a great weekend. Go Phils.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11th action
Last night's six-handed action got off to an exciting start even before our poor disheveled host, Sir Lawrence, made it home. Starting the night where he left off last week, lost and confused, Sir Lawrence neglected to shut the alarm off in his home despite inviting his guests to walk in thus inviting the local police to pay this legal card game a visit. Fortunately for all players, neither cop chose to "tase" Drunk Action Dan back into coherence. Anyway, just minutes after this incident, Sir Lawrence's night took an even worse turn when he pushed all in with a flush draw only to miss and be cracked for his first $300 by Michael J. Hauer.
Much like Clark Kent, all Sir Lawrence needed was a costume change to get his superhero powers back. Sir Lawrence ran upstairs, changed out of his girly nurses scrubs, scrounged up $100 from the petty cash bowl he keeps by his bed and cashed back in. Several hours later, Sir Lawrence had turned that measly $100 into over $1400 for a nightly profit of $1160. Sir Lawrence was helped along the way by a $1,000 plus hand with Mr. Dana when Sir Lawrence rivered his full house with his pocket Kings to beat Mr. Dana's high flush. Much like other great superheroes, Sir Lawrence has a sidekick always by his side that helps him along the way and Sir Lawrence's help came in the form of Drunk Action Dan who continued to dump pots his way to return the game back to the form it has known for the past several months.
In fact, Drunk Action Dan did make up for lost time from his missed session last week by dumping $500 to the group after winning the first two hands of the night. Dan is now down nearly $6,500 for the year or a little more than 25% of the $25,000 of the commissions he made yesterday in closing $2,000,000 in mortgages. Right. Dan's debacle included an ill-advised bet on the state university of New Jersey and his 15th straight wrong sided bet on a Phillies game.
As for this blogger's favorite player, Michael J. Hauer, the momentum couldn't be maintained from last week as Msgr. Hauer lost $402. In fact, Msgr. Hauer appears to be the only one who can't figure out Drunk Action Dan as he lost a big hand because of a $50 gut shot call by Dan (which worked!) and losing a big coin flip to him as well. This recent turn of events threatens to drive Msgr. Hauer into the same mental state as the leader of his beloved Titans, Vince Young. Maybe they can share a therapist.
Kevin Todd Cooper had a rough evening breaking his four session winning streak by losing -$394. His big loss of the night was his flopped Jack high flush which lost to Drunk Dan's flopped top set which turned into quads on the river. Cooper, the god of bad karma, probably deserved the loss by not-so-coyly babbling on the phone while playing the hand. On the upside, Cooper only accidentally flipped his own cards face-up one time all night. Well done.
Mr. Dana had an up and down evening winning early, losing in the middle of the night and battling back towards the end of the night to close out the night +$44. Coincidentally, +44 is about the number of points his beloved Orangemen will need to successfully cover versus the Nittany Lions this weekend. Mr. Dana started off the night shaking, supposedly from Wawa coffee and not the thought of Matt Cassel starting for his Patriots all season, but entertained us all by giving Sir Lawrence the slow roll of the year and showing his full house to Sir Lawrence's high flush only after Sir Lawrence had allocated a large percentage of that big pot to his $14,000 a year in real estate taxes. The karma gods did eventually get Dana back later on in the aforementioned pot that initially busted Mr. Dana versus Larry (also flush versus boat). Overall, a solid night for Mr. Dana as in addition to the impressive battle back to positive ground, he also successfully and correctly counted out his chip stack at the end of the night.
Finally, last but certainly not least, Joseph Crawford arrived late as usual and took advantage of Drunk Action Dan as though he was just another lawn that needed to be mowed. Very businesslike, J. Crawford took home +$70 for the night, barely enough to cover the registration fee on the K Smith tournament in little over than a week.
Have a great weekend.
Much like Clark Kent, all Sir Lawrence needed was a costume change to get his superhero powers back. Sir Lawrence ran upstairs, changed out of his girly nurses scrubs, scrounged up $100 from the petty cash bowl he keeps by his bed and cashed back in. Several hours later, Sir Lawrence had turned that measly $100 into over $1400 for a nightly profit of $1160. Sir Lawrence was helped along the way by a $1,000 plus hand with Mr. Dana when Sir Lawrence rivered his full house with his pocket Kings to beat Mr. Dana's high flush. Much like other great superheroes, Sir Lawrence has a sidekick always by his side that helps him along the way and Sir Lawrence's help came in the form of Drunk Action Dan who continued to dump pots his way to return the game back to the form it has known for the past several months.
In fact, Drunk Action Dan did make up for lost time from his missed session last week by dumping $500 to the group after winning the first two hands of the night. Dan is now down nearly $6,500 for the year or a little more than 25% of the $25,000 of the commissions he made yesterday in closing $2,000,000 in mortgages. Right. Dan's debacle included an ill-advised bet on the state university of New Jersey and his 15th straight wrong sided bet on a Phillies game.
As for this blogger's favorite player, Michael J. Hauer, the momentum couldn't be maintained from last week as Msgr. Hauer lost $402. In fact, Msgr. Hauer appears to be the only one who can't figure out Drunk Action Dan as he lost a big hand because of a $50 gut shot call by Dan (which worked!) and losing a big coin flip to him as well. This recent turn of events threatens to drive Msgr. Hauer into the same mental state as the leader of his beloved Titans, Vince Young. Maybe they can share a therapist.
Kevin Todd Cooper had a rough evening breaking his four session winning streak by losing -$394. His big loss of the night was his flopped Jack high flush which lost to Drunk Dan's flopped top set which turned into quads on the river. Cooper, the god of bad karma, probably deserved the loss by not-so-coyly babbling on the phone while playing the hand. On the upside, Cooper only accidentally flipped his own cards face-up one time all night. Well done.
Mr. Dana had an up and down evening winning early, losing in the middle of the night and battling back towards the end of the night to close out the night +$44. Coincidentally, +44 is about the number of points his beloved Orangemen will need to successfully cover versus the Nittany Lions this weekend. Mr. Dana started off the night shaking, supposedly from Wawa coffee and not the thought of Matt Cassel starting for his Patriots all season, but entertained us all by giving Sir Lawrence the slow roll of the year and showing his full house to Sir Lawrence's high flush only after Sir Lawrence had allocated a large percentage of that big pot to his $14,000 a year in real estate taxes. The karma gods did eventually get Dana back later on in the aforementioned pot that initially busted Mr. Dana versus Larry (also flush versus boat). Overall, a solid night for Mr. Dana as in addition to the impressive battle back to positive ground, he also successfully and correctly counted out his chip stack at the end of the night.
Finally, last but certainly not least, Joseph Crawford arrived late as usual and took advantage of Drunk Action Dan as though he was just another lawn that needed to be mowed. Very businesslike, J. Crawford took home +$70 for the night, barely enough to cover the registration fee on the K Smith tournament in little over than a week.
Have a great weekend.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Thursday, September 4th action
Last night’s action was decidedly tame with the absence of Thunder Dan (aka Drunk Dan or Action Dan or Mortgage Broker Dan or State Trooper Checkpoint Dan) however the game went on without him seven handed. Our beloved host, Sir Lawrence, showed up late to his own game and played as though he was desperate to make up for the lost time. Clearly a little off his game and channeling the spirit of Drunk Dan, Sir Lawrence got felted FOUR times in a two plus hour period by FOUR different players. In fact, every Gentile player at last night’s game was able to crack Lawrence at least one time with only our Jewish friends, Dan K and Kevin Todd Cooper, missing out on the fun. We’re not sure what that religious stat means but we’ll keep our eye on any sort of potential religious collusion at the table in the future. Sir Lawrence’s awful play resulted in $800 in losses and his pathetic display continued well after he left the game as he spent time on his couch, forlornly watching the action while Googling his own name on his damaged laptop while eating chunky peanut butter with his dirty index finger. A sadder display we can not recall. In addition, the pumpernickel pretzels that were the hit of the game a week prior never made an appearance. Overall, certainly a night Sir Lawrence would like to forget however we’ll point out he’s still well atop the leaderboard year-to-date. For those counting at home, Drunk Dan has missed three sessions this year and Larry has posted losses all three nights. Looks like “Lar” might have to refinance his house yet again to get his inebriated friend some additional cash flow.
In other action, Michael J. Hauer ended his horrid four session losing streak as predicted in this blog last week and clearly put August in his rear view mirror by winning $331. Mike’s hand of the night was Sir Lawrence’s first “felt-ing” getting himself all-in pre-flop with the best of K K versus Q Q despite Shady Sir Lawrence actually dealing said hand. If Mr. Hauer’s beloved Oilers (Titans, whatever) can upset the Jaguars on Sunday, this has the chance to be a truly magical weekend for him.
Mr. Chad, this blogger’s favorite player, was the big winner of the night profiting $337 by methodically winning small and medium sized pots early while getting in on the fun of cracking Sir Lawrence. Mr. Chad tried his hardest after midnight to give his chips away by repeatedly chasing open-ended straights that he knew were never coming but still managed to hold onto most of his winnings. Mr. Chad, usually the finest gentleman in the room, did commit the poker feux pas of the night by only throwing his chips into the river well after making a weak losing call. We’ll overlook that transgression this time because of the fine reputation Mr. Chad has built over these last few months.
Dana C. made his return to the game from the beaches of Aruba and had an up and down night that ultimately resulted in a huge profit of $15 which is just about enough to pay for one of those fruity “woo woo’s” or other tropical drinks it’s rumored Dana enjoyed extensively while vacationing despite his macho image to the contrary. Dana did aggressively play Q 2 offsuit twice and hit (and got paid) both times he did so we may have a new name for a hand (“The Orangeman” for any Q 2 offsuit). We’ll see if that one sticks.
Kevin T. Cooper followed up his humongous profits from a week prior by showing up, reading the paper, making several jokes that fell flat, staring at his girlfriend’s picture on his work issued blackberry and, ever so occasionally, playing a hand of poker. Cooper’s hand of the night was his pre-flop fold of 8 6 unsuited when he accidentally exposed both cards. Truly inspiring and memorable stuff. All that being said, Cooper did manage to eke out a $28 profit, his fourth straight winning session and one short of the current record of five currently shared by Sir Lawrence and Dana C. We fully expect a pre-flop raise of $20 on the first hand next week from Mr. Cooper in an attempt to win the $3 blinds, a quick cash out and endless bragging about his then 5 session winning streak. Can’t wait for that.
TJ had a nice night last night as well (+$329), also putting Sir Lawrence in his place. In fact, TJ Larry’d Larry by hitting his two pair on the river (with 2 3 in his hand) to best Sir Lawrence’s top pair as a little bit of good karma finally fell his way. Add on top of that TJ’s nice Giants bet and his ability to fend off Kevin Smith for Randy Moss trade offers from the morons in his fantasy football league and it was a truly productive night for the only 20 something in this group of 30 something degenerates.
Finally, Dan K. ended his one session winning streak by quietly losing $190 and now sits second to the bottom on the year-to-date leaderboard although still about $472,432 better than the other person named Dan who participates in these weekly lovefests. We believe all future games should contain at least one Dan in order to be sanctioned events.
Have a good weekend, go Birds.
In other action, Michael J. Hauer ended his horrid four session losing streak as predicted in this blog last week and clearly put August in his rear view mirror by winning $331. Mike’s hand of the night was Sir Lawrence’s first “felt-ing” getting himself all-in pre-flop with the best of K K versus Q Q despite Shady Sir Lawrence actually dealing said hand. If Mr. Hauer’s beloved Oilers (Titans, whatever) can upset the Jaguars on Sunday, this has the chance to be a truly magical weekend for him.
Mr. Chad, this blogger’s favorite player, was the big winner of the night profiting $337 by methodically winning small and medium sized pots early while getting in on the fun of cracking Sir Lawrence. Mr. Chad tried his hardest after midnight to give his chips away by repeatedly chasing open-ended straights that he knew were never coming but still managed to hold onto most of his winnings. Mr. Chad, usually the finest gentleman in the room, did commit the poker feux pas of the night by only throwing his chips into the river well after making a weak losing call. We’ll overlook that transgression this time because of the fine reputation Mr. Chad has built over these last few months.
Dana C. made his return to the game from the beaches of Aruba and had an up and down night that ultimately resulted in a huge profit of $15 which is just about enough to pay for one of those fruity “woo woo’s” or other tropical drinks it’s rumored Dana enjoyed extensively while vacationing despite his macho image to the contrary. Dana did aggressively play Q 2 offsuit twice and hit (and got paid) both times he did so we may have a new name for a hand (“The Orangeman” for any Q 2 offsuit). We’ll see if that one sticks.
Kevin T. Cooper followed up his humongous profits from a week prior by showing up, reading the paper, making several jokes that fell flat, staring at his girlfriend’s picture on his work issued blackberry and, ever so occasionally, playing a hand of poker. Cooper’s hand of the night was his pre-flop fold of 8 6 unsuited when he accidentally exposed both cards. Truly inspiring and memorable stuff. All that being said, Cooper did manage to eke out a $28 profit, his fourth straight winning session and one short of the current record of five currently shared by Sir Lawrence and Dana C. We fully expect a pre-flop raise of $20 on the first hand next week from Mr. Cooper in an attempt to win the $3 blinds, a quick cash out and endless bragging about his then 5 session winning streak. Can’t wait for that.
TJ had a nice night last night as well (+$329), also putting Sir Lawrence in his place. In fact, TJ Larry’d Larry by hitting his two pair on the river (with 2 3 in his hand) to best Sir Lawrence’s top pair as a little bit of good karma finally fell his way. Add on top of that TJ’s nice Giants bet and his ability to fend off Kevin Smith for Randy Moss trade offers from the morons in his fantasy football league and it was a truly productive night for the only 20 something in this group of 30 something degenerates.
Finally, Dan K. ended his one session winning streak by quietly losing $190 and now sits second to the bottom on the year-to-date leaderboard although still about $472,432 better than the other person named Dan who participates in these weekly lovefests. We believe all future games should contain at least one Dan in order to be sanctioned events.
Have a good weekend, go Birds.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28th action
We were six-handed last night with the nuttiness beginning right from the very first hand. Poor, unlucky Action\Drunk Dan was all-in pre-flop with A A against Michael J. Hauer’s Q Q with a queen burnt by a folding player. Mike, of course, hit the case queen on the river and Dan was down $300 before his VO had a chance to even chill. How unfortunate. Unfortunately for both Dan and Mike, that was the high points of both of their nights.
The big winner of the night was the often unassuming Kevin T. Cooper who took a $1200 pot with an Ace high flush versus a King high flush for Mr. Hauer. Cooper briefly crossed the $1,000 mark before settling for a +$920 night which was his third straight winning session (the longest such streak) and moved him firmly into the black for the year. Cooper’s endless Favre-like retirement talk has, once again, been put on hold.
As for other players, Mr. Hauer went straight downhill after his quick start losing $540 for the evening to close out an absolutely dreadful August. That’s -$840 lost AFTER the bad beat he put on poor, misunderstood Dan and represented Mr. Hauer’s fourth straight $400+ losing session. Mr. Hauer, once atop the leaderboard for the year-to-date standings, is firmly in second place but needs a telescope to see Lawrence after losing nearly $2,000 during August. Mr. Hauer was always known as a September player anyway and we’re sure he’ll turn his fortunes around next week.
In other action, our host, Sir Lawrence, finished out an extremely impressive August of +$3,000 with a +$570 haul last night despite his penchant for paying Mr. Cooper when he knows he is beat. Lawrence had the call of the night with his river call on Drunk Dan (he was no longer Action Dan at this point) for $50 with QUEEN HIGH. Something tells us we might be reminded of that call for the next couple of years. Lawrence, job well done the last several weeks and the pumpernickel pretzels you served were also an excellent addition to the game. Keep up the good work, Sport.
Joseph Crawford broke his typical pattern last night and actually did NOT get cracked with his first buy-in and, instead, started out winning, then lost, then won again and finally yielded a minor loss of -$49 for the night. On the positive side, Msgr. Crawford was able to finish his thesis and mow two lawns while waiting for Lawrence to finally, FINALLY make his killer call on Drunk Dan.
As for Drunk Dan, he lost another $779 bringing his total losses to $2,389 for the month of August alone which is even more astonishing considering he only played 3 times during the month. That’s nearly a loss of $800 per session for the month. Dan’s year-to-date losses in the FIVE months we have played are just a shade under $6,000. For those counting at home, that pro-rates to $14,400 over a full year and $144,000 over the next 10 years. Let’s hope his liver holds out and he lives that long. Dan’s mistakes are too numerous to mention and this is a commentary, not a research paper. Let’s just say, calling and folding remain two weak spots in his game.
Finally, last but certainly not least, this commentator’s new favorite player, Mr. Chad, lost $122 for the night. Mr. Chad did have the bluff, and the play, of the night when he raised to $15 pre-flop with 2 4 suited and won a $3 pot. For those who like coincidences, $3 is also the exercise price for Mr. Chad’s oldest SEI stock options.
Have a great Labor Day weekend, see you next Thursday.
The big winner of the night was the often unassuming Kevin T. Cooper who took a $1200 pot with an Ace high flush versus a King high flush for Mr. Hauer. Cooper briefly crossed the $1,000 mark before settling for a +$920 night which was his third straight winning session (the longest such streak) and moved him firmly into the black for the year. Cooper’s endless Favre-like retirement talk has, once again, been put on hold.
As for other players, Mr. Hauer went straight downhill after his quick start losing $540 for the evening to close out an absolutely dreadful August. That’s -$840 lost AFTER the bad beat he put on poor, misunderstood Dan and represented Mr. Hauer’s fourth straight $400+ losing session. Mr. Hauer, once atop the leaderboard for the year-to-date standings, is firmly in second place but needs a telescope to see Lawrence after losing nearly $2,000 during August. Mr. Hauer was always known as a September player anyway and we’re sure he’ll turn his fortunes around next week.
In other action, our host, Sir Lawrence, finished out an extremely impressive August of +$3,000 with a +$570 haul last night despite his penchant for paying Mr. Cooper when he knows he is beat. Lawrence had the call of the night with his river call on Drunk Dan (he was no longer Action Dan at this point) for $50 with QUEEN HIGH. Something tells us we might be reminded of that call for the next couple of years. Lawrence, job well done the last several weeks and the pumpernickel pretzels you served were also an excellent addition to the game. Keep up the good work, Sport.
Joseph Crawford broke his typical pattern last night and actually did NOT get cracked with his first buy-in and, instead, started out winning, then lost, then won again and finally yielded a minor loss of -$49 for the night. On the positive side, Msgr. Crawford was able to finish his thesis and mow two lawns while waiting for Lawrence to finally, FINALLY make his killer call on Drunk Dan.
As for Drunk Dan, he lost another $779 bringing his total losses to $2,389 for the month of August alone which is even more astonishing considering he only played 3 times during the month. That’s nearly a loss of $800 per session for the month. Dan’s year-to-date losses in the FIVE months we have played are just a shade under $6,000. For those counting at home, that pro-rates to $14,400 over a full year and $144,000 over the next 10 years. Let’s hope his liver holds out and he lives that long. Dan’s mistakes are too numerous to mention and this is a commentary, not a research paper. Let’s just say, calling and folding remain two weak spots in his game.
Finally, last but certainly not least, this commentator’s new favorite player, Mr. Chad, lost $122 for the night. Mr. Chad did have the bluff, and the play, of the night when he raised to $15 pre-flop with 2 4 suited and won a $3 pot. For those who like coincidences, $3 is also the exercise price for Mr. Chad’s oldest SEI stock options.
Have a great Labor Day weekend, see you next Thursday.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21st action
Well, once again, the action at Shady Larry’s managed to reach new and dizzying heights last night as we played 10 handed for those of you who were unable to attend. World records were set on both sides of the ledger with our beloved host, Sir Lawrence, winning a stunning $1,750 on the night putting him up over $4400 year-to-date which represents 44% of all the winnings available. Of course, there is another side to that story and, shockingly enough, that other side was Action Dan (or Mortgage Broker Dan or Drunk Dan as he also affectionately called). Dan was down more than $1400 at one point but doubled up on the last of his many buy-ins after a late night ATM stop at the Wawa (mmmmm Shorti’s). That late night rally allowed Dan to “only” lose $1,020 for the night. Well done. Dan’s night started poorly when he rivered a full house with his pocket Jack’s (over Aces) only to discover that our hero, Sir Lawrence, had made his higher full house long before with his Ace King. It was certainly quite a preview of things to come as Lawrence kept winning (and rivering) and Dan kept, well, you know. Dan’s year-to-date statistics need to be put in perspective. He is now down $5203, 49% of all the money lost in these games which is quite impressive since 21 different players have made it to this game at some point. In addition, Dan has had just three winning sessions in 15 tries and in one of those three winning sessions, he took home the grand total of $8. Dan’s AVERAGE night now clocks in at -$347. Hopefully Dan’s 54 year old blind date this weekend likes fast food and does not mind the smell of alcohol and desperation.
Although most of the universe revolves around Lawrence and Action Dan, there was other play to note. Vietnam Vet Kevin (aka Kevin from the Best Western at Kulpsville) made his second straight $300 donation but bested his play from last week by making it until 9:41pm. Good job and we look forward to seeing you next week. Michael J. Hauer, my favorite player, continued to prove that tilting can go own for weeks at a time by dumping $400 plus dollars to the winners for the third straight week. August has not been kind to Mr. Hauer as he has followed his huge $1,232 win on July 31st with losses of $499, $427 and $400 over the last three weeks. Frightening. Joe Crawford ended his Mike McD like retirement and returned back to the island last night and we were all better people for spending more time with our favorite thesis writing landscaper. Young Joseph kept his familiar and predictable pattern by getting busted with his first buy-in before battling all the way back and ultimately returning an impressive $350. Crawford’s “lose early, dust yourself off and battle back for the win” routine is very formulaic and played at this point but we still get sucked in and love watching him do it every week. Well done, brother.
As for other players, John Keegan joined the game and turned a minimal buy-in into $165 of winnings. Good job. More importantly, while watching Action Dan play, John was seen with the same look in his eyes that G Ron had the first time he was changing in the boys locker room in junior high school. Very confused and wildly intrigued. I do not think we have seen the last of Mr. Keegan. In other play, TJ misplayed Big Slick more times than he can remember and quietly lost $500. TJ will lose plenty of sleep over the next several nights over his pre flop laydown of 6 6 with three way action with Lawrence and Action Dan (the subsequent flop was 7 7 6……ouch). Dan Krueger had a nice session, his first winning one since these things have been recorded, although Dan will tell you in great detail how much he has won prior to the creation of this spreadsheet. Nobody cares. As for Dana, he magically turned some early wins into some disappointing late night losses. Fortunately for Dana, he is currently on his way to Aruba while the rest of us sit at our PC’s waiting for updates on Reggie Brown’s hamstring injury. Maybe Dana was the real winner for the night.
And, finally, yours truly, had his second straight modestly positive session which is quite the achievement for playing a hand every two hours (and usually misplaying that hand when it comes).
Although most of the universe revolves around Lawrence and Action Dan, there was other play to note. Vietnam Vet Kevin (aka Kevin from the Best Western at Kulpsville) made his second straight $300 donation but bested his play from last week by making it until 9:41pm. Good job and we look forward to seeing you next week. Michael J. Hauer, my favorite player, continued to prove that tilting can go own for weeks at a time by dumping $400 plus dollars to the winners for the third straight week. August has not been kind to Mr. Hauer as he has followed his huge $1,232 win on July 31st with losses of $499, $427 and $400 over the last three weeks. Frightening. Joe Crawford ended his Mike McD like retirement and returned back to the island last night and we were all better people for spending more time with our favorite thesis writing landscaper. Young Joseph kept his familiar and predictable pattern by getting busted with his first buy-in before battling all the way back and ultimately returning an impressive $350. Crawford’s “lose early, dust yourself off and battle back for the win” routine is very formulaic and played at this point but we still get sucked in and love watching him do it every week. Well done, brother.
As for other players, John Keegan joined the game and turned a minimal buy-in into $165 of winnings. Good job. More importantly, while watching Action Dan play, John was seen with the same look in his eyes that G Ron had the first time he was changing in the boys locker room in junior high school. Very confused and wildly intrigued. I do not think we have seen the last of Mr. Keegan. In other play, TJ misplayed Big Slick more times than he can remember and quietly lost $500. TJ will lose plenty of sleep over the next several nights over his pre flop laydown of 6 6 with three way action with Lawrence and Action Dan (the subsequent flop was 7 7 6……ouch). Dan Krueger had a nice session, his first winning one since these things have been recorded, although Dan will tell you in great detail how much he has won prior to the creation of this spreadsheet. Nobody cares. As for Dana, he magically turned some early wins into some disappointing late night losses. Fortunately for Dana, he is currently on his way to Aruba while the rest of us sit at our PC’s waiting for updates on Reggie Brown’s hamstring injury. Maybe Dana was the real winner for the night.
And, finally, yours truly, had his second straight modestly positive session which is quite the achievement for playing a hand every two hours (and usually misplaying that hand when it comes).
Thursday, August 14th action
Attached, please find the weekly updated earnings list from Shady Larry’s weekly game. Last Thursday night featured some more exciting 7 handed action with everyone’s favorite Orangeman, the beloved Dana Cottrell, the big winner taking home $552. The win broke Dana’s 3 session losing streak and was his first winning session in Lederach since May 1st (not that anyone is counting). The hand of the night was Dana river-ing his fourth Ace to beat Mr. Hauer’s Ace high flush which he simply wasn’t a strong enough player to lay down (his words, not mine).
In other developments, Kevin from the Best Western in Kulpsville, made his debut losing a cool $300 in a little over an hour. Michael J. Hauer, this writer’s favorite card player, had his second straight rough week and fell $6 behind host Larry Nelson for the total earnings leader for the year. Meanwhile, Mr. Chad had a steady and solid night winning $156 which moved him modestly back into the black year-to-date. Finally, TJ and yours truly, Mr. Cooper, had an exciting night of folding.
In other developments, Kevin from the Best Western in Kulpsville, made his debut losing a cool $300 in a little over an hour. Michael J. Hauer, this writer’s favorite card player, had his second straight rough week and fell $6 behind host Larry Nelson for the total earnings leader for the year. Meanwhile, Mr. Chad had a steady and solid night winning $156 which moved him modestly back into the black year-to-date. Finally, TJ and yours truly, Mr. Cooper, had an exciting night of folding.
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