Thursday, January 29th 2009 action

Welcome back to America’s favorite degenerate One Two card game blog. After a several month hiatus, our blogger is rested and rejuvenated and ready, once again, to point out both the mental and physical deficiencies of each player that staggers over to Lederach on Thursday nights. Our blogger was not in attendance this week off traveling in jolly old London so the following report was cobbled together from various unnamed sources so if you have any problem with the accuracy, please take it up with management.

The big winner of the night was Brian “Moke” Milewski who won a staggering $864 and is now up over $1,700 in the last two sessions alone. Relationship Moke seems focused and committed and looks to be well on his way to a huge 2009. In addition, Moke’s also a heck of a nice guy and may soon be pushing Msgr. Hauer for the most important distinction of them all: this blogger’s favorite card player. We’ll wait for one more winning session before making any bold proclamations there.

Mr. Chad also had another huge night winning $800 and is now +$1988 for the year in just three sessions played. Mr. Chad, however, has not earned the respect that Moke has so far this year by winning on some horrific suck outs that have drawn the ire of many of his competitors. Mr. Chad’s Pizzera Uno Bad Play of the Night was a call on two re-raises pre-flop (including a $300 plus “all in” re-raise) with just pocket jacks against Sir Lawrence’s pocket aces. Mr. Chad rivered the only available jack in the deck sending our beloved host into a predictable tirade but, more importantly, sending $1000 over to Mr. Chad. The other big hand of the night was also a big river “suck out” with Chad’s baby flush draw hitting to beat a set. So, Mr. Chad got his money in bad twice and was bailed out with minimal odds, twice, in the same night and won $800. We still love Mr. Chad however, and hope he uses some of these winnings to finally stop being so stubborn and get a haircut (we kid, Mr. Chad, because we are jealous of the hair that we can no longer grow).

Our host, Sir Lawrence, had a good night (+$310) despite the aforementioned brutal beat although his whining reached record levels after his big loss to Mr. Chad. Msgr. Hauer, STILL this blogger’s favorite card player, dipped into the red this year after dropping $300 and Michael E. Kiner, trying to win some wedding money, won 1/3 of one guest’s steak dinner at his May wedding by grinding out $26 in profits.

TJ started the night hot and was up a couple of hundred dollars at which point he turned into the world’s most ironic bank by lending gobs of money to Chommie (more on him in a minute). After taking a bad beat, however, TJ quickly lost his cool and started straddling like G Ron on his new work friend Brad- aggressively and without apology. Wins turned into losses and TJ took his familiar place back as debtor and firmly in the loser category dropping $400. As for Mr. St. Clair, he took the place of the other Kevin, “Mr. Cooper”, and folded quickly, quietly, politely and often, ultimately losing $150.

Joseph J. Crawford was lured back to the basement, much like his lookalike Desmond from LOST to the island, once again by forces beyond his understanding or control. Joey continued his disappointing run of second best hands and get pummeled yet again extending a miserable 2009. Lawns can’t grow fast enough for Mr. Crawford’s landscaping business. Crawford’s night included his 8th retirement speech in as many weeks officially tying him with Brett Favre in the category of “Most annoying ongoing retirement talk without actually doing it”. Joe, see you on Thursday.

Finally, last but not least is Chommie (aka Chom-a-long-a-ding-dong) who has taken the torch from Drunk, Action, Racist Dan as the most entertainingly bad player in the tri-state area. Chommie got busted on FIVE separate occasions, or two more times than he got busted by the Philadelphia cops several years ago when he was the subject of a drug sting. As previously mentioned, Chommie’s low point was borrowing money from TJ at interest rates that would have made a mobster blush. Despite only playing twice in January, Chommie is on pace to lose nearly $17,000 this year. A bottle of VO and the development of a repetitive signature phrase like “Good Luck Lar” is all that separates Chommie from Drunk Action Dan at this point.