The game at Lederach last Thursday night featured eight handed action and included the return of Chommie, the world’s dumbest Jew, which puts a smile on the face of this blogger as he writes the painful details of all the action. Onto the game:
The big winner of the night was salad munching TJ who profited $514. Young TJ’s big hand of the night was the third to the last hand of the evening when he pushed all-in on the river with a busted straight draw into a large pot with his final $200+ against a pretty tame board and pushed Chommie off of his pocket Jacks. More impressively, however, TJ won a $100 side bet with host Sir Lawrence betting on whether or not Chommie would end the evening profitably. He did. TJ loves the long shots and betting straight up whether or not Chommie would end the night profitably is like playing “00” on the roulette table (in more ways than one).
Mr. Chad won for the 7th time in 8 sessions this year to vault himself past the $3,000 profit mark overall. Mr. Chad, in between bragging about how much money he makes, how many people report to him, how short his commute to work is, how he can get his hair to look so good with so little product and how his North Face jacket makes him look like he’s 23 still, played some more good, clean poker. Chad’s play of the night was Sir Lawrence’s first “cracking” when Mr. Chad showed the discipline of a seasoned senior executive by checking his straight on the river, inducing an all-in bet from Sir Lawrence that Mr. Chad quickly called. Mr. Chad was also involved in Sir Lawrence’s second cracking and more pleased he could not be. Despite our constant jabs at him, Mr. Chad continues to dominate this year and has 43% of all profits. We hope he remembers the little people like us when he’s hiring for open positions on his team when the Great Depression Part II comes to an end.
Chommie, against all odds, profited $63 for the evening. As usual, Chommie went against conventional wisdom and worked to get his money in with the lesser hand which he did time after time. Chommie actually had nearly $400 in profits at one point until gravity kicked in and Chommie began falling to earth. Only Chommie’s pocket 9’s suck out versus Joey’s pocket Jacks (all-in pre-flop) prevented him from losing it all and allowed him to rally and turn modest profits. Despite Chommie’s poor play, he did provide the crowd with the cutest moment of the night asking where the Big East Tournament was being held (in about the 5th OT of the final game on the TV that had been on for about 6 hours from MSG at that point). We happily answered that question for Chommie although we’re still reluctant to tell him that a flush beats a straight.
Ronny Ballz had another excellent night winning over $200 and is now 3 for 3 this year on his “comeback tour”, the most successful comeback tour since Ronny’s favorite band “New Kids on the Block” or “NKOTB” as Ronny’s lower back tattoo shows, returned several years ago. Ronny’s big hand of the night was against dim-witted nemesis Chommie who paid him nicely when his top pair ran into Ronny B’s flopped set of Queens. In a statistical oddity, both Ronny B and TJ have played 3 sessions this year and both are up exactly $637. So, both are completely tied up and we know the thought of being completely tied up with TJ (figuratively or literally) gives Ronny that special feeling. Yuck.
Mr. Cooper had his five session winning streak come to a grinding halt losing $175 for the night along with one of his sneakers to Ace Nelson, our host’s beloved puppy, who stole his shoe in the middle of the game. Although Mr. Cooper successfully recovered his shoe, he was unable to recover from his early losses as his multiple tells have become so bad lately even lower level talents such as Young TJ have successfully picked up on them. Mr. Cooper better work on that soon as he is officially “on the clock” with only 7 or 8 sessions remaining before his princess of a fiancé moves into his home and mandates a midnight curfew which will lessen the number of hands an evening Mr. Cooper can fold.
Chick the Brick had his second straight winning session profiting $101 for the evening although he did give away a good portion of his profits to Chommie later in the session when Chommie turned a straight against him. C the B also had the worst poker etiquette of the evening as in the hand of the evening between TJ and Chommie, he burned three cards on the flop and compounded that poker feux pas by rooting through the deck after the river. Mr. Chick is evidently looking to acquire the nickname “Shady” as his alias for the game although we all know that has been locked up for quite some time by our beloved host, Sir Lawrence.
Speaking of Sir Lawrence, he had a brutal night getting cracked twice by Mr. Chad and even cashing in late night with just $17. Although Sir Lawrence made a little run with that last “baby buy-in”, he ultimately lost it all and dropped $677 for the evening. Sir Lawrence also inexplicably lost the “Will Chommie accidentally earn a profit?” bet with TJ and had to wait 6 OT’s to have the perpetually absent Mr. Dana’s Orangemen finally beat his UConn bet. On the bright side, however, Sir Lawrence did pull one over on his little sidekick, TJ, by betting him $5 that he couldn’t eat two pieces of bread in a minute. Evidently the rye bread used for the bet had been sitting in the basement of Mr. Cooper’s synagogue for the last 5 years as young TJ nearly choked on it while trying to get it down (a feeling G Ron knows all too well) and had to throw up the white flag and concede the bet to bitter Sir Lawrence.
Finally, last but certainly not least was Young Joseph Crawford who has worked hard the last couple of weeks to get all his earlier losses back from the beginning of the year to only see most of that hard work go away with a $500 loss last Thursday. Joseph was ultimately cracked by the aforementioned JJ vs. 99 hand against Little Chommie Luckbox. This was the first week in quite some time that Young Joseph neglected to bring alcohol from his beer collection from around the world and the poker gods noticed and made him pay dearly. On the positive side, this blogger’s 10x12 front lawn is starting to grow and the $8 we’re going to pay Joe in a couple of weeks to mow it should provide him with enough cash to call one TJ straddle when he returns from his 9th retirement this year.
Let’s go ‘Nova.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26th Action
Last night in Lederach saw relatively tame 8 handed action as we had the least money change hands amongst our warriors all year. Even so, with three fine gentlemen winning over $300 and Sir Lawrence’s second late night all-in suck out with Ace Queen, there is plenty to talk about. Onto the gruesome details:
For the second straight week, the big winner was power player Kevin T. Cooper who cashed profits of $376 for the evening. Mr. Cooper’s big hand of the night was his flopped set of nines which he coyly played against our sleep deprived host, Sir Lawrence, who saw his pocket aces cracked. Mr. Cooper is rolling now and has cashed out positive in five straight sessions and finds himself up over $1,000 for the year. Mr. Cooper even “manned up” last night and nursed a beer over a four hour span. Well done.
Mr. Crawford enjoyed another solid night in between long periods of whining about being card dead and lecturing the table on the joys of sex with pregnant women. Overall, $344 profits for the Desmond from LOST lookalike as young Joseph has clawed his way back from down more than $1,000 earlier in the year to within -$95 of even. Mr. Crawford continues to get extra credit for bringing beer from around the world each week although his whining every time he looks down and has 8 4 reminds us he still is really just not that good of a person.
Msgr. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite player ever, had a nice night winning $351 for the evening. Msgr. Hauer got back at his new nemesis, Mr. Cooper, for constantly raising his blinds by sucking out a straight on the river in a $400 hand that helped boost his win total for the evening. Of course, Msgr. Hauer also was the victim of bad luck earlier in the night when his flopped set got Sir Lawrence all-in only to see our host’s flush draw hit on the river. Unfortunately, it looks like the $351 in profits for the night were not enough to re-sign Msgr. Hauer’s fat hero, Albert Haynesworth, who bolted from his beloved Titans just hours after Msgr. Hauer’s big evening. Can’t win them all.
Mr. Chad broke his one session losing streak and rallied late night to win over $200 and continue his march towards $10,000 in profits for the year. Mr. Chad was cracked early on by a nice all-in river call against a frightening board by Msgr. Hauer but would not be denied. A quick smoke, a walk in the cold night air and a little regrouping for our executive friend and he was back and ready to dominate. Chad style. Mr. Chad started picking up hand after hand including a flopped boat against J.J. Crawford and hitting pretty much anything and everything against Mr. Keegan that helped fuel his comeback. Mr. Chad also had the most homoerotic moment of the night, in G Ron’s absence, calling our host “Snuggle Bunny”, as Sir Lawrence dozed off on the couch before his second buy-in. Yikes. Overall just a good night and week for Mr. Chad as the paper cut on his arm finally healed and he was able to take the huge bandage off of his arm. In addition, in these cost conscious times, Mr. Chad finally wised up and received a haircut that will last him more than 10 days. That’s just a smart guy making all the right moves.
Sir Lawrence won a modest $43 at the end of a long bender of poker despite having his Aces cracked early on by the handsome Mr. Cooper. After initially being cracked, Sir Lawrence did spend an hour “on the rail” falling in and out of sleep while eating a diet yogurt and smiling creepily at the remaining players in his basement. Sadly, this was actually a step up from the normal sleepy and “cracked” Sir Lawrence scene which usually consists of his eating peanut butter with his fingers straight from the jar and playing around on his broken laptop. Sir Lawrence, for the second straight week, had the late night Dr. Pepper Suck Out of the evening and, AGAIN, with Ace Queen. This time, Sir Lawrence found his A Q all-in with a Q 2 3 board against RE St. Clair’s pocket Kings. A running 4 5 gave Sir Lawrence the straight, the $440 pot and the new title of “Luck box” officially transferred over from Mr. Chad. Poor RE St. Clair was left with a brutal beat, no chips and a long car ride home wondering how much more affordable junior college is for his young daughters compared to four year universities. Sir Lawrence also had the class move of the night earlier in the evening (sarcasm intended), simultaneously winning a big pot off of Mr. Chad, giving him the finger and sticking his tongue out at him. Now you know why it’s always so hard to figure out who keeps urinating on Sir Lawrence’s toilet seat. Everyone is a suspect with behavior like that from the host.
Mr. Keegan made his return to Lederach last night but was likely disappointed when he came in and failed to find DUI Dan sitting at the table. That should have been the sign to turn around. Mr. Keegan did stay however and was working the short stack all night even rallying to get more than half his buy in back off his last $14 before finally losing an all-in hand to Chad who refused to play anything higher than an eight against the good natured Mr. Keegan.
John Keegan’s friend Jamie lost $470 for the night and even made the “Drive of Shame” over to Wawa at one point to tap MAC for additional funds, a drive normally reserved for the likes of Chommie and TJ. Jamie was very friendly and frequently got his money in bad which is like putting peanut butter and jelly together…..just a perfect combination. Jamie even had the Drunk Action Dan random terrible all-in bet of the evening betting $91 into a $3 pot with Q 10 only to be called (and lose) to Mr. Chad’s pocket Kings. A panicked late night call from his wife seemed to be the only thing that saved Jamie with a little bit of cash in his pockets for tolls.
Finally, last but not least was Rounding Error St. Clair whose losses last night were, unfortunately, much more than just a rounding error on the immaculate spreadsheet we keep on this game for IRS purposes. (Relax, kidding). Proving nice guys really do finish last, RE St. Clair is now 0 for 8 in our Thursday night game (0 for 6 this year alone) and has never cashed out positive. On the positive side, St. Patrick’s Day is coming up in a couple of weeks and that just HAS to be a good thing for someone named Kevin St. Clair.
Our blogger is out next week although he’ll try to cobble together something humorous from the misinformation he receives from Sir Lawrence. See you in 2 weeks.
For the second straight week, the big winner was power player Kevin T. Cooper who cashed profits of $376 for the evening. Mr. Cooper’s big hand of the night was his flopped set of nines which he coyly played against our sleep deprived host, Sir Lawrence, who saw his pocket aces cracked. Mr. Cooper is rolling now and has cashed out positive in five straight sessions and finds himself up over $1,000 for the year. Mr. Cooper even “manned up” last night and nursed a beer over a four hour span. Well done.
Mr. Crawford enjoyed another solid night in between long periods of whining about being card dead and lecturing the table on the joys of sex with pregnant women. Overall, $344 profits for the Desmond from LOST lookalike as young Joseph has clawed his way back from down more than $1,000 earlier in the year to within -$95 of even. Mr. Crawford continues to get extra credit for bringing beer from around the world each week although his whining every time he looks down and has 8 4 reminds us he still is really just not that good of a person.
Msgr. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite player ever, had a nice night winning $351 for the evening. Msgr. Hauer got back at his new nemesis, Mr. Cooper, for constantly raising his blinds by sucking out a straight on the river in a $400 hand that helped boost his win total for the evening. Of course, Msgr. Hauer also was the victim of bad luck earlier in the night when his flopped set got Sir Lawrence all-in only to see our host’s flush draw hit on the river. Unfortunately, it looks like the $351 in profits for the night were not enough to re-sign Msgr. Hauer’s fat hero, Albert Haynesworth, who bolted from his beloved Titans just hours after Msgr. Hauer’s big evening. Can’t win them all.
Mr. Chad broke his one session losing streak and rallied late night to win over $200 and continue his march towards $10,000 in profits for the year. Mr. Chad was cracked early on by a nice all-in river call against a frightening board by Msgr. Hauer but would not be denied. A quick smoke, a walk in the cold night air and a little regrouping for our executive friend and he was back and ready to dominate. Chad style. Mr. Chad started picking up hand after hand including a flopped boat against J.J. Crawford and hitting pretty much anything and everything against Mr. Keegan that helped fuel his comeback. Mr. Chad also had the most homoerotic moment of the night, in G Ron’s absence, calling our host “Snuggle Bunny”, as Sir Lawrence dozed off on the couch before his second buy-in. Yikes. Overall just a good night and week for Mr. Chad as the paper cut on his arm finally healed and he was able to take the huge bandage off of his arm. In addition, in these cost conscious times, Mr. Chad finally wised up and received a haircut that will last him more than 10 days. That’s just a smart guy making all the right moves.
Sir Lawrence won a modest $43 at the end of a long bender of poker despite having his Aces cracked early on by the handsome Mr. Cooper. After initially being cracked, Sir Lawrence did spend an hour “on the rail” falling in and out of sleep while eating a diet yogurt and smiling creepily at the remaining players in his basement. Sadly, this was actually a step up from the normal sleepy and “cracked” Sir Lawrence scene which usually consists of his eating peanut butter with his fingers straight from the jar and playing around on his broken laptop. Sir Lawrence, for the second straight week, had the late night Dr. Pepper Suck Out of the evening and, AGAIN, with Ace Queen. This time, Sir Lawrence found his A Q all-in with a Q 2 3 board against RE St. Clair’s pocket Kings. A running 4 5 gave Sir Lawrence the straight, the $440 pot and the new title of “Luck box” officially transferred over from Mr. Chad. Poor RE St. Clair was left with a brutal beat, no chips and a long car ride home wondering how much more affordable junior college is for his young daughters compared to four year universities. Sir Lawrence also had the class move of the night earlier in the evening (sarcasm intended), simultaneously winning a big pot off of Mr. Chad, giving him the finger and sticking his tongue out at him. Now you know why it’s always so hard to figure out who keeps urinating on Sir Lawrence’s toilet seat. Everyone is a suspect with behavior like that from the host.
Mr. Keegan made his return to Lederach last night but was likely disappointed when he came in and failed to find DUI Dan sitting at the table. That should have been the sign to turn around. Mr. Keegan did stay however and was working the short stack all night even rallying to get more than half his buy in back off his last $14 before finally losing an all-in hand to Chad who refused to play anything higher than an eight against the good natured Mr. Keegan.
John Keegan’s friend Jamie lost $470 for the night and even made the “Drive of Shame” over to Wawa at one point to tap MAC for additional funds, a drive normally reserved for the likes of Chommie and TJ. Jamie was very friendly and frequently got his money in bad which is like putting peanut butter and jelly together…..just a perfect combination. Jamie even had the Drunk Action Dan random terrible all-in bet of the evening betting $91 into a $3 pot with Q 10 only to be called (and lose) to Mr. Chad’s pocket Kings. A panicked late night call from his wife seemed to be the only thing that saved Jamie with a little bit of cash in his pockets for tolls.
Finally, last but not least was Rounding Error St. Clair whose losses last night were, unfortunately, much more than just a rounding error on the immaculate spreadsheet we keep on this game for IRS purposes. (Relax, kidding). Proving nice guys really do finish last, RE St. Clair is now 0 for 8 in our Thursday night game (0 for 6 this year alone) and has never cashed out positive. On the positive side, St. Patrick’s Day is coming up in a couple of weeks and that just HAS to be a good thing for someone named Kevin St. Clair.
Our blogger is out next week although he’ll try to cobble together something humorous from the misinformation he receives from Sir Lawrence. See you in 2 weeks.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19th Action
Last night featured exciting 10 handed action even with the absence for the second straight week of Sir Donks a Lot, Eric Baum (aka Chommie). Onto the action:
The big winner was beloved premium hand player Mr. Cooper who was hit by the deck and dealt high pocket pairs all night allowing him to profit more than $700. Mr. Cooper’s two big hands of the night were flopping sets with pocket eights (eight is also the number of days of Hanukah) with which he cracked Mr. Chad on one hand and post flop re-raised Joey C. out of a top pair\straight draw that would have hit on another hand. Mr. Cooper is now firmly in the black for the year and better hope he remains that way if he wants to support that pretty Jewish fiancé of his.
G Ron, heretofore to be known as “Ronny Balls” and not for his courageous play, had a rather dull night of folding although he did manage to eke out a modest profit of $89. Ronny B spent a majority of his time discussing the benefits of consuming whey protein after midnight with fellow gym rats, Moke and Joey Crawford, and in between those lectures, whining about the lack of premium hands being dealt his way. However, Ronny Balls did turn a straight flush against Msgrs. Hauer and Cooper but barely was paid for it as he mysteriously checked the river evidently scared one of his competitors was playing with 4 wild cards and hit 5 of a kind.
Rounding Error St. Clair, named that because usually the modest unaccounted for losses at the end of the night when tallying the totals can be attributed to his 6 hours of folding blinds, went against script last night and became much more aggressive. Bad move. Within his first hour, RE St. Clair was cracked after flopping a set when adversary Sir Lawrence turned his flush. Even RE St. Clair’s big river bluff against fellow Kevin (Mr. Cooper) was shown no respect and was called. Overall, a total of $245 in losses for RE St. Clair or the equivalent of 10 boxes of diapers. We look forward to seeing a return to a tighter form next week from Lockwood’s finest.
The thundering noise heard last night around midnight was the crashing and burning of high flying Mr. Chad and his even higher flying hair. Mr. Chad had a miserable evening and was in a cranky mood, for a change of pace, making it much more difficult to sympathize with the severe Indian burn or whatever his homemade bandage is covering on his arm. Mr. Chad was initially cracked when his top pair ran into Mr. Cooper’s flopped bottom set and then lost his last $200 on his pre-declared last hand of the night taking that final “free look”. Mr. Chad learned that, indeed, nothing in life is free as that free look and two pair that ran into a flush caused him to lose those last two Benjamins. Mr. Chad cashed out the same amount he would be cashing out if he tried to exercise those SEI stock options that he’s been hoarding for years. Zero.
Moke’s three session winning streak came to a sudden halt primarily by virtue of a tough flopped flush loss to D Chick. After Moke was felted, he fielded loan offers from nearly every player in the basement and we’re still trying to figure out if that’s a compliment to Moke’s good character and credit worthiness or to his colleagues low opinion of his poker skills. We’ll take the high road here, for once, and point out that Moke is still up over $1,800 year-to-date.
Sir Lawrence crashed the $1,000 profit mark for the year with his +$600 night making a good portion of those profits well after this blogger was asleep dreaming about the Motherland, Israel. Sir Lawrence sucked out horribly on Msgr. Hauer after Msgr. Hauer found himself all in with A K versus A Q with an Ace on the board. A Queen hit on the river and we can imagine Sir Lawrence laughed and laughed while his belly shook like a bowl of jelly. Wait, that might be a Santa Claus nursery rhyme, never mind. Anyway, Sir Lawrence also had the Tostitos Slow Roll of the night when he took the better part of a minute to turn over his a** end straight he rivered against Ronny B and Mr. Chad. Either way, Luckbox Larry seems to have a nicer ring to it than Luckbox Chad.
Msgr. Hauer took his second brutal beating in as many weeks with his aforementioned bad beat to Sir Lawrence leaving him down $700 for the night. Msgr. Hauer even got yelled at several times for not properly moving the dealer button from his distracted neighbor Joseph while also losing a side bet with Sir Lawrence on if\when RE St. Clair would actually play a hand. The only real highlight of the night for Msgr. Hauer was the stimulating conversation with Mr. Cooper on whether Spurs coach Greg Popovich looks better with or without the beard (the conclusion….he looks awful with it but no worse than Ron does with the creepy thing on his face).
Michael Evan Kiner, acting this week as the game’s dumbest Jew in Chommie’s absence, returned to action from his sickbed. Mr. Kiner was down big from the start only to battle all the way back to even, and then some, only to go on tilt late night against Sir Lawrence and the other vampires who play in the Peach Pit After Dark game that occurs after 2 am (first blog 90210 reference!). Mr. Kiner was so determined to crack Sir Lawrence it led him to make a $50 plus pre flop call with Ace Ten (unsuited) that hit and won (and forced a fold from Mr. Cooper with pocket 10’s that kept him awake all last night despite his big winnings) and made a $100 river call with a 6 6 6 7 2 board with Ace high (Sir Lawrence did have the boat). Mr. Kiner and Sir Lawrence even scrapped on three straight big hands at one point making us wonder how things got so personal so quickly. So, in the interest of future harmony, we have put together a list of things that both men have in common because in reality they are both quite similar. Common threads for these two gentlemen are: Both 6’5ish, 36-37, out of shape white males whose best athletic days are behind them although both are in deep denial about that fact. Both are stone cold degenerate gamblers and live by the mantra “the flop changes everything”. Both have jobs where they seemingly drive around all day while randomly calling their stupid friends and yet both somehow are successful and make gobs of money. And, finally, both love hosting TJ to their homes for a little one on one time and refer to him as their “walking ATM machine”. That sidebar now aside, let’s move on.
D Chick Mortgage Guy, was humbled in each of the last two weeks and decided to leave the $2,000 brick at home and cash in for a more modest $1,000 this time. The poker gods rewarded his self control by granting him a plus $327 with his hand of the night an Ace high flopped flush against Moke’s Queen high flopped flush which sent Moke to the rail ever so briefly. D Chick is good for the game and we were amused by his “calling out” of Dana via e-mail this week although the last mortgage guy who got into with Dana was last seen getting drunkenly thrown out of Lederach and narrowly avoiding the beating of a lifetime courtesy of Mr. Dana.
Finally last but not least was Joseph J. Crawford who had an excellent evening winning more than $500 and has nicely shrugged aside his early year losses and the disappointment of barely being featured in this week’s most recent episode of LOST. Crawford got himself going early on with a nice bluff against a scary board versus Moke and was off and running from there. Joseph also got himself paid nicely by Msgr. Hauer (who didn’t?) on his flopped boat shortly thereafter as well. Despite all those winnings, we still look forward to the day in early April when young Joseph will be landscaping our garden in his Callahan Auto Parts shirt while we’re yelling at him “nice mulching, Tommy Boy”.
See you on Thursday.
The big winner was beloved premium hand player Mr. Cooper who was hit by the deck and dealt high pocket pairs all night allowing him to profit more than $700. Mr. Cooper’s two big hands of the night were flopping sets with pocket eights (eight is also the number of days of Hanukah) with which he cracked Mr. Chad on one hand and post flop re-raised Joey C. out of a top pair\straight draw that would have hit on another hand. Mr. Cooper is now firmly in the black for the year and better hope he remains that way if he wants to support that pretty Jewish fiancé of his.
G Ron, heretofore to be known as “Ronny Balls” and not for his courageous play, had a rather dull night of folding although he did manage to eke out a modest profit of $89. Ronny B spent a majority of his time discussing the benefits of consuming whey protein after midnight with fellow gym rats, Moke and Joey Crawford, and in between those lectures, whining about the lack of premium hands being dealt his way. However, Ronny Balls did turn a straight flush against Msgrs. Hauer and Cooper but barely was paid for it as he mysteriously checked the river evidently scared one of his competitors was playing with 4 wild cards and hit 5 of a kind.
Rounding Error St. Clair, named that because usually the modest unaccounted for losses at the end of the night when tallying the totals can be attributed to his 6 hours of folding blinds, went against script last night and became much more aggressive. Bad move. Within his first hour, RE St. Clair was cracked after flopping a set when adversary Sir Lawrence turned his flush. Even RE St. Clair’s big river bluff against fellow Kevin (Mr. Cooper) was shown no respect and was called. Overall, a total of $245 in losses for RE St. Clair or the equivalent of 10 boxes of diapers. We look forward to seeing a return to a tighter form next week from Lockwood’s finest.
The thundering noise heard last night around midnight was the crashing and burning of high flying Mr. Chad and his even higher flying hair. Mr. Chad had a miserable evening and was in a cranky mood, for a change of pace, making it much more difficult to sympathize with the severe Indian burn or whatever his homemade bandage is covering on his arm. Mr. Chad was initially cracked when his top pair ran into Mr. Cooper’s flopped bottom set and then lost his last $200 on his pre-declared last hand of the night taking that final “free look”. Mr. Chad learned that, indeed, nothing in life is free as that free look and two pair that ran into a flush caused him to lose those last two Benjamins. Mr. Chad cashed out the same amount he would be cashing out if he tried to exercise those SEI stock options that he’s been hoarding for years. Zero.
Moke’s three session winning streak came to a sudden halt primarily by virtue of a tough flopped flush loss to D Chick. After Moke was felted, he fielded loan offers from nearly every player in the basement and we’re still trying to figure out if that’s a compliment to Moke’s good character and credit worthiness or to his colleagues low opinion of his poker skills. We’ll take the high road here, for once, and point out that Moke is still up over $1,800 year-to-date.
Sir Lawrence crashed the $1,000 profit mark for the year with his +$600 night making a good portion of those profits well after this blogger was asleep dreaming about the Motherland, Israel. Sir Lawrence sucked out horribly on Msgr. Hauer after Msgr. Hauer found himself all in with A K versus A Q with an Ace on the board. A Queen hit on the river and we can imagine Sir Lawrence laughed and laughed while his belly shook like a bowl of jelly. Wait, that might be a Santa Claus nursery rhyme, never mind. Anyway, Sir Lawrence also had the Tostitos Slow Roll of the night when he took the better part of a minute to turn over his a** end straight he rivered against Ronny B and Mr. Chad. Either way, Luckbox Larry seems to have a nicer ring to it than Luckbox Chad.
Msgr. Hauer took his second brutal beating in as many weeks with his aforementioned bad beat to Sir Lawrence leaving him down $700 for the night. Msgr. Hauer even got yelled at several times for not properly moving the dealer button from his distracted neighbor Joseph while also losing a side bet with Sir Lawrence on if\when RE St. Clair would actually play a hand. The only real highlight of the night for Msgr. Hauer was the stimulating conversation with Mr. Cooper on whether Spurs coach Greg Popovich looks better with or without the beard (the conclusion….he looks awful with it but no worse than Ron does with the creepy thing on his face).
Michael Evan Kiner, acting this week as the game’s dumbest Jew in Chommie’s absence, returned to action from his sickbed. Mr. Kiner was down big from the start only to battle all the way back to even, and then some, only to go on tilt late night against Sir Lawrence and the other vampires who play in the Peach Pit After Dark game that occurs after 2 am (first blog 90210 reference!). Mr. Kiner was so determined to crack Sir Lawrence it led him to make a $50 plus pre flop call with Ace Ten (unsuited) that hit and won (and forced a fold from Mr. Cooper with pocket 10’s that kept him awake all last night despite his big winnings) and made a $100 river call with a 6 6 6 7 2 board with Ace high (Sir Lawrence did have the boat). Mr. Kiner and Sir Lawrence even scrapped on three straight big hands at one point making us wonder how things got so personal so quickly. So, in the interest of future harmony, we have put together a list of things that both men have in common because in reality they are both quite similar. Common threads for these two gentlemen are: Both 6’5ish, 36-37, out of shape white males whose best athletic days are behind them although both are in deep denial about that fact. Both are stone cold degenerate gamblers and live by the mantra “the flop changes everything”. Both have jobs where they seemingly drive around all day while randomly calling their stupid friends and yet both somehow are successful and make gobs of money. And, finally, both love hosting TJ to their homes for a little one on one time and refer to him as their “walking ATM machine”. That sidebar now aside, let’s move on.
D Chick Mortgage Guy, was humbled in each of the last two weeks and decided to leave the $2,000 brick at home and cash in for a more modest $1,000 this time. The poker gods rewarded his self control by granting him a plus $327 with his hand of the night an Ace high flopped flush against Moke’s Queen high flopped flush which sent Moke to the rail ever so briefly. D Chick is good for the game and we were amused by his “calling out” of Dana via e-mail this week although the last mortgage guy who got into with Dana was last seen getting drunkenly thrown out of Lederach and narrowly avoiding the beating of a lifetime courtesy of Mr. Dana.
Finally last but not least was Joseph J. Crawford who had an excellent evening winning more than $500 and has nicely shrugged aside his early year losses and the disappointment of barely being featured in this week’s most recent episode of LOST. Crawford got himself going early on with a nice bluff against a scary board versus Moke and was off and running from there. Joseph also got himself paid nicely by Msgr. Hauer (who didn’t?) on his flopped boat shortly thereafter as well. Despite all those winnings, we still look forward to the day in early April when young Joseph will be landscaping our garden in his Callahan Auto Parts shirt while we’re yelling at him “nice mulching, Tommy Boy”.
See you on Thursday.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12th Action
Last night at Lederach, we experienced a relatively mellow 10 handed game despite the fact that we had our first ever cash in for $2500. New action player Dave Chick cashed in for the $2500, or 25 times a normal re-buy for Chommie, and the rest of the table was grateful for it but more on that below. The overall message of the night is that the action isn’t quite as loose or crazy without Chommie or Drunk, Action, Racist Dan (aka Gentile Chommie) as even with ten players, we only had one felting all night which was 9 less than Chommie has managed to do all by himself in the prior two sessions. Anyway, onto the details:
Once again the big winner of the night was world renowned “luckbox” Mr. Chad whose astonishing winning streak continued with a +$589 effort. So, that’s 5 wins out of 5 sessions this year for Mr. Chad for $3100, six straight going back to last year and 12 positive sessions in his last 14. Everything is going right for Mr. Chad and he had the Marriott Residence Inn Call of the Night with a middle pocket pair call for $150 on the river against an intimidating board versus Msgr. Hauer. In addition, Mr. Chad brought back into play the world’s only brown Phillies windbreaker and also was the subject, again, of the tirade of the night courtesy of host Sir Lawrence after a LOOSE gut shot straight call in a small pot hit and got paid. When you’re running good, you sit back in your off color Phillies jacket, let your hair flow wild, make loose calls, hit and get paid. That’s Mr. Chad’s mantra and it’s working for him. God bless him.
The other exciting story of the night was the long awaited return of G Ron, his first sighting in the basement since last July. The allure of 10 men in a closely confined area and the opportunity to sit closely next to TJ, still single despite looking so good in his Tennessee paraphernalia, was just the medicine G Ron needed to get over the heartbreak of finding out about the recent engagement of Mr. Cooper. Yuck. But we digress yet again. As for his play itself, G Ron continued where he left off in 2008 winning a majority of the pots he entered including getting paid nicely on a nut flush turned against Msgr. Hauer. G Ron didn’t leave with any phone numbers but left with over $300 in profits which should buy plenty of hair gel and too tight t-shirts favored by the people he hangs out with on nights he is not playing cards.
TJ, back from yet another hospital visit, also had a very successful return winning over $500 through a variety of big hands during the night. TJ also set a personal record by going five hours without making arrangements with anybody to pay them back for any debts in arrears. On second thought, “debts in arrears” sounds like something G Ron should have paid back.
Mr. Cooper had his third straight positive session, cashing out over $250 in profits while, once again, only playing premium hands. Mr. Cooper’s big hands of the night were his double up courtesy of the generous D. Chick, on his flopped set with pocket aces and his big turn of a full house against Sir Lawrence’s flopped king high flush. However, scrapping with Sir Lawrence wasn’t his bravest moment of the night. Instead, it was his “clock” call on ex-NFL linebacker Mr. Dana during a big hand which doesn’t bode well for the long-term health and future of everybody’s favorite balding 168 pound 34 year old Jewish weakling although we do admire his bravado.
Other winners last night include Joseph J. Crawford returning after his brief self imposed retirement yet again. Young Joseph, in a giddy mood now after recently completing his thesis evidently titled “How to overplay second pair on your first buy in” had a good night recording his first winning session of 2009. His hand of the night was flopping an Ace high straight (or a Broadway straight as us sophisticated players say) and making some cash off of Superman Chad. Poor Joey, however, is still $844 from even this year (or the equivalent of 40 lawn mowing jobs).
Kevin S. was rumored to have shown up late although our hidden poker cameras never recorded him being there and nobody can recall him playing a hand. The crack accounting team at Lederach has found $31 of losses unclaimed, however, which we will directly attribute to KS’ 3 hours of folding (if he was, in fact, present).
Mr. Dana made a return to the scene for the first time in weeks and let everyone know he was present by thinking about a huge TJ river bet for over 10 minutes before finally FOLDING although in Dana’s defense that’s about 5 minutes longer than his beloved Orangemen took to fold in most of their riveting Big East battles this year on their way to a 3 win season. Mr. Dana was up early but struggled late although like virtually every player at the table, he was paid at one point nicely by Mr. Chick’s big stack when he turned top set against Mr. Chick’s overpair.
Sir Lawrence looked dazed and lost most of the night for some reason and we’re not sure if it was the lack of a true degenerate calling station at the table (i.e. Chommie or Drunk Dan) or Chad’s continued miraculous run that threw him off his game. The relatively passive Sir Lawrence seemed more content on waiting to trap lesser players such as Mr. Chad and Mr. Cooper and berating them when those plans fell awry rather than using his normal hyper-aggressive style to give him some momentum. Overall, approximately $170 in losses on the night for our favorite host which puts him light years behind Mr. Chad and Moke for the yearly leader totals much to his chagrin.
Msgr. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite player ever, had a miserable night and was the only one cracked, losing $500 in the process. In addition, Msgr. Hauer was nursing a cold although sitting in close proximity to arch-nemesis Sir Lawrence and potentially sickening him as well should make him feel a little better. Msgr. Hauer was ultimately cracked by D. Chick’s flopped trips but the previously described amazing call by Mr. Chad was really the lowlight of the night for Msgr. Hauer who even got into a pointless Kobe vs. LeBron argument although we’re not sure why he cares about either since they don’t play for his beloved Spurs.
Finally, last but not least was D. Chick who sat down with $2500 (really) which included a huge brick of cash which resembled something closer to a pebble by the end of the night. D. Chick played hands often and aggressively and, at times, resembled a young Drunk Dan sans the alcoholism and Attention Deficit Disorder. This was the second straight week that D. Chick found himself down more than $1,000 and rallied late night although this late rally still left D. Chick down…..$927. This blogger still dreams of the night we can get D. Chick and his brick together with Chommie and Drunk Dan, mix in a little TJ and some Kiner $33 pre-flop re-raises with 2 8 SUITED and create the Dream Team that could only be matched by the 92 USA Olympic Basketball team.
Happy President’s Day.
Once again the big winner of the night was world renowned “luckbox” Mr. Chad whose astonishing winning streak continued with a +$589 effort. So, that’s 5 wins out of 5 sessions this year for Mr. Chad for $3100, six straight going back to last year and 12 positive sessions in his last 14. Everything is going right for Mr. Chad and he had the Marriott Residence Inn Call of the Night with a middle pocket pair call for $150 on the river against an intimidating board versus Msgr. Hauer. In addition, Mr. Chad brought back into play the world’s only brown Phillies windbreaker and also was the subject, again, of the tirade of the night courtesy of host Sir Lawrence after a LOOSE gut shot straight call in a small pot hit and got paid. When you’re running good, you sit back in your off color Phillies jacket, let your hair flow wild, make loose calls, hit and get paid. That’s Mr. Chad’s mantra and it’s working for him. God bless him.
The other exciting story of the night was the long awaited return of G Ron, his first sighting in the basement since last July. The allure of 10 men in a closely confined area and the opportunity to sit closely next to TJ, still single despite looking so good in his Tennessee paraphernalia, was just the medicine G Ron needed to get over the heartbreak of finding out about the recent engagement of Mr. Cooper. Yuck. But we digress yet again. As for his play itself, G Ron continued where he left off in 2008 winning a majority of the pots he entered including getting paid nicely on a nut flush turned against Msgr. Hauer. G Ron didn’t leave with any phone numbers but left with over $300 in profits which should buy plenty of hair gel and too tight t-shirts favored by the people he hangs out with on nights he is not playing cards.
TJ, back from yet another hospital visit, also had a very successful return winning over $500 through a variety of big hands during the night. TJ also set a personal record by going five hours without making arrangements with anybody to pay them back for any debts in arrears. On second thought, “debts in arrears” sounds like something G Ron should have paid back.
Mr. Cooper had his third straight positive session, cashing out over $250 in profits while, once again, only playing premium hands. Mr. Cooper’s big hands of the night were his double up courtesy of the generous D. Chick, on his flopped set with pocket aces and his big turn of a full house against Sir Lawrence’s flopped king high flush. However, scrapping with Sir Lawrence wasn’t his bravest moment of the night. Instead, it was his “clock” call on ex-NFL linebacker Mr. Dana during a big hand which doesn’t bode well for the long-term health and future of everybody’s favorite balding 168 pound 34 year old Jewish weakling although we do admire his bravado.
Other winners last night include Joseph J. Crawford returning after his brief self imposed retirement yet again. Young Joseph, in a giddy mood now after recently completing his thesis evidently titled “How to overplay second pair on your first buy in” had a good night recording his first winning session of 2009. His hand of the night was flopping an Ace high straight (or a Broadway straight as us sophisticated players say) and making some cash off of Superman Chad. Poor Joey, however, is still $844 from even this year (or the equivalent of 40 lawn mowing jobs).
Kevin S. was rumored to have shown up late although our hidden poker cameras never recorded him being there and nobody can recall him playing a hand. The crack accounting team at Lederach has found $31 of losses unclaimed, however, which we will directly attribute to KS’ 3 hours of folding (if he was, in fact, present).
Mr. Dana made a return to the scene for the first time in weeks and let everyone know he was present by thinking about a huge TJ river bet for over 10 minutes before finally FOLDING although in Dana’s defense that’s about 5 minutes longer than his beloved Orangemen took to fold in most of their riveting Big East battles this year on their way to a 3 win season. Mr. Dana was up early but struggled late although like virtually every player at the table, he was paid at one point nicely by Mr. Chick’s big stack when he turned top set against Mr. Chick’s overpair.
Sir Lawrence looked dazed and lost most of the night for some reason and we’re not sure if it was the lack of a true degenerate calling station at the table (i.e. Chommie or Drunk Dan) or Chad’s continued miraculous run that threw him off his game. The relatively passive Sir Lawrence seemed more content on waiting to trap lesser players such as Mr. Chad and Mr. Cooper and berating them when those plans fell awry rather than using his normal hyper-aggressive style to give him some momentum. Overall, approximately $170 in losses on the night for our favorite host which puts him light years behind Mr. Chad and Moke for the yearly leader totals much to his chagrin.
Msgr. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite player ever, had a miserable night and was the only one cracked, losing $500 in the process. In addition, Msgr. Hauer was nursing a cold although sitting in close proximity to arch-nemesis Sir Lawrence and potentially sickening him as well should make him feel a little better. Msgr. Hauer was ultimately cracked by D. Chick’s flopped trips but the previously described amazing call by Mr. Chad was really the lowlight of the night for Msgr. Hauer who even got into a pointless Kobe vs. LeBron argument although we’re not sure why he cares about either since they don’t play for his beloved Spurs.
Finally, last but not least was D. Chick who sat down with $2500 (really) which included a huge brick of cash which resembled something closer to a pebble by the end of the night. D. Chick played hands often and aggressively and, at times, resembled a young Drunk Dan sans the alcoholism and Attention Deficit Disorder. This was the second straight week that D. Chick found himself down more than $1,000 and rallied late night although this late rally still left D. Chick down…..$927. This blogger still dreams of the night we can get D. Chick and his brick together with Chommie and Drunk Dan, mix in a little TJ and some Kiner $33 pre-flop re-raises with 2 8 SUITED and create the Dream Team that could only be matched by the 92 USA Olympic Basketball team.
Happy President’s Day.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Thursday, February 5th Action
Thursday night featured very frisky eight handed play in Lederach with ridiculous swings in momentum as our 1 2 game starts to more closely resemble 40 80.
The story of the year continues to remain the stellar play of Mr. Chad who added an additional $600 to his totals and is now up over $2500 year-to-date. Dating back to last year, Mr. Chad has now cashed out positive in an astounding 11 of his last 13 sessions. Mr. Chad, ever the kind heart, has won so much money the last six months that he is even looking to contribute some of his winnings to the severance packages he will be offering to his employees this week as he releases them into the world of the unemployed. Hopefully that will leave him with enough spare change for another haircut as it looked like his last one will only last him about a week or so.
The other story of the year is Brian “Moke” Milewski who is up over $2,000 this year after his +$324 session on Thursday. Moke’s big hand of the night was a suck out against host Sir Lawrence when he put all his money in with two pair against Sir Lawrence’s already made flush. Moke watched the board pair for his full house on the river earning him both the $500 pot and the bullseye for the very predictable Alka Seltzer meltdown of the night from Sir Lawrence. We’re still not sure what a “luck box” is but we’ve resisted, thus far, adding that entry to Wikipedia with a big picture of Mr. Chad and Moke, much to Sir Lawrence’s chagrin.
The big winner of the night, however, was this blogger’s favorite card player, Msgr. Hauer who cashed out over $600. Msgr. Hauer’s night was all the more impressive considering he lost several all-in pots to inferior Jewish players, Mr. Cooper and Chommie (aka Chom-a-long-a-ding-dong), who were drawing to long odds. Msgr. Hauer did, however, crack Chommie several times throughout the night proving his inability to crack Drunk, Action, Racist Dan is a statistical fluke and not a weakness in his game that doesn’t allow him to crack terrible, clueless players with no chance.
As for Sir Lawrence, early on he looked to be on pace for a record setting night and had profits of more than $800 in front of him before being sucked out on the aforementioned big hand by Moke and laying down a superior hand (pocket Aces against a “frisky board”) to inferior but dim-witted players, Mr. Kiner and Chommie, who were betting as though they had stronger hands. Sir Lawrence had made money on both earlier in the night, however, the most memorable of which was an easy river call on Chommie’s monumentally bad bluff which included the Chommie special “pump fake” of cards into the muck Sir Lawrence made the easy call with a mediocre hand and it was like taking candy from a baby. Or money from a moron.
The newly engaged Mr. Cooper re-joined the game and played conservatively enough to make one wonder how many ring payments he still has left. Mr. Cooper did play three semi-significant hands during the night, however, which is about two more than average. Mr. Cooper had an impressive double up on Mr. Kiner early on only to watch his winnings slip away before gaining them back on a bad all-in move with pocket King’s against an underboard versus Msgr Hauer’s two pair. Mr. Cooper was rewarded, however, for his bad play with a King on the river to give him a $60 profit for the night. Mesmerizing stuff.
Mortgage broker Dave ran into cooler after cooler early on and found himself down over $1,000 before rallying late night to “only” lose $275. The most painful of the coolers for Dave was his A K hand with an A K flop. Sir Lawrence, of course, had pocket Aces. Ouch.
Mr. Kiner followed his “usual unusual” play confusing almost everybody at the table with his strange betting patterns. While sometimes that works for Mr. Kiner, Thursday that was not the case as he dumped nearly $600. Mr. Kiner ultimately got cracked by a cooler hand as his A Q lost to Msgr. Hauer’s pocket Queens on an A Q flop. Mr. Kiner, upon seeing the result of the hand, jumped up and ran into Sir Lawrence’s storage closet where he only stayed for a moment after, presumably, running into a barely clothed G Ron. Ron, come out of the storage closet and play some cards please. Besides his questionable play, Mr. Kiner also entertained us with his spirited poker debates with Sir Lawrence. Not exactly Frost/Nixon but Kiner/Nelson is still compelling entertainment.
Finally, last but certainly never least, was Chommie. Not to be outdone by his previous weeks performance where he was felted 5 different times and lost $750, Chommie was felted 5 different times this Thursday for $800. Ten feltings in two weeks for $1550 and now losses this year of more than $2,000. Drunk Dan who? Chommie did mount a late night rally which was ultimately stopped in its tracks by, well, better players. Even a late night call to his bank, the second in two weeks, with an actual plea of “I need that money, it’s a desperate situation” was unable to stop the bleeding for Chommie. Unfortunately for Chommie, overbetting pots with bottom pair is not a felony offense so being saved from himself by a return to the clink as a result of a parole violation does not look to be in the cards. Pun intended.
Have a great week.
The story of the year continues to remain the stellar play of Mr. Chad who added an additional $600 to his totals and is now up over $2500 year-to-date. Dating back to last year, Mr. Chad has now cashed out positive in an astounding 11 of his last 13 sessions. Mr. Chad, ever the kind heart, has won so much money the last six months that he is even looking to contribute some of his winnings to the severance packages he will be offering to his employees this week as he releases them into the world of the unemployed. Hopefully that will leave him with enough spare change for another haircut as it looked like his last one will only last him about a week or so.
The other story of the year is Brian “Moke” Milewski who is up over $2,000 this year after his +$324 session on Thursday. Moke’s big hand of the night was a suck out against host Sir Lawrence when he put all his money in with two pair against Sir Lawrence’s already made flush. Moke watched the board pair for his full house on the river earning him both the $500 pot and the bullseye for the very predictable Alka Seltzer meltdown of the night from Sir Lawrence. We’re still not sure what a “luck box” is but we’ve resisted, thus far, adding that entry to Wikipedia with a big picture of Mr. Chad and Moke, much to Sir Lawrence’s chagrin.
The big winner of the night, however, was this blogger’s favorite card player, Msgr. Hauer who cashed out over $600. Msgr. Hauer’s night was all the more impressive considering he lost several all-in pots to inferior Jewish players, Mr. Cooper and Chommie (aka Chom-a-long-a-ding-dong), who were drawing to long odds. Msgr. Hauer did, however, crack Chommie several times throughout the night proving his inability to crack Drunk, Action, Racist Dan is a statistical fluke and not a weakness in his game that doesn’t allow him to crack terrible, clueless players with no chance.
As for Sir Lawrence, early on he looked to be on pace for a record setting night and had profits of more than $800 in front of him before being sucked out on the aforementioned big hand by Moke and laying down a superior hand (pocket Aces against a “frisky board”) to inferior but dim-witted players, Mr. Kiner and Chommie, who were betting as though they had stronger hands. Sir Lawrence had made money on both earlier in the night, however, the most memorable of which was an easy river call on Chommie’s monumentally bad bluff which included the Chommie special “pump fake” of cards into the muck Sir Lawrence made the easy call with a mediocre hand and it was like taking candy from a baby. Or money from a moron.
The newly engaged Mr. Cooper re-joined the game and played conservatively enough to make one wonder how many ring payments he still has left. Mr. Cooper did play three semi-significant hands during the night, however, which is about two more than average. Mr. Cooper had an impressive double up on Mr. Kiner early on only to watch his winnings slip away before gaining them back on a bad all-in move with pocket King’s against an underboard versus Msgr Hauer’s two pair. Mr. Cooper was rewarded, however, for his bad play with a King on the river to give him a $60 profit for the night. Mesmerizing stuff.
Mortgage broker Dave ran into cooler after cooler early on and found himself down over $1,000 before rallying late night to “only” lose $275. The most painful of the coolers for Dave was his A K hand with an A K flop. Sir Lawrence, of course, had pocket Aces. Ouch.
Mr. Kiner followed his “usual unusual” play confusing almost everybody at the table with his strange betting patterns. While sometimes that works for Mr. Kiner, Thursday that was not the case as he dumped nearly $600. Mr. Kiner ultimately got cracked by a cooler hand as his A Q lost to Msgr. Hauer’s pocket Queens on an A Q flop. Mr. Kiner, upon seeing the result of the hand, jumped up and ran into Sir Lawrence’s storage closet where he only stayed for a moment after, presumably, running into a barely clothed G Ron. Ron, come out of the storage closet and play some cards please. Besides his questionable play, Mr. Kiner also entertained us with his spirited poker debates with Sir Lawrence. Not exactly Frost/Nixon but Kiner/Nelson is still compelling entertainment.
Finally, last but certainly never least, was Chommie. Not to be outdone by his previous weeks performance where he was felted 5 different times and lost $750, Chommie was felted 5 different times this Thursday for $800. Ten feltings in two weeks for $1550 and now losses this year of more than $2,000. Drunk Dan who? Chommie did mount a late night rally which was ultimately stopped in its tracks by, well, better players. Even a late night call to his bank, the second in two weeks, with an actual plea of “I need that money, it’s a desperate situation” was unable to stop the bleeding for Chommie. Unfortunately for Chommie, overbetting pots with bottom pair is not a felony offense so being saved from himself by a return to the clink as a result of a parole violation does not look to be in the cards. Pun intended.
Have a great week.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Thursday, January 29th 2009 action
Welcome back to America’s favorite degenerate One Two card game blog. After a several month hiatus, our blogger is rested and rejuvenated and ready, once again, to point out both the mental and physical deficiencies of each player that staggers over to Lederach on Thursday nights. Our blogger was not in attendance this week off traveling in jolly old London so the following report was cobbled together from various unnamed sources so if you have any problem with the accuracy, please take it up with management.
The big winner of the night was Brian “Moke” Milewski who won a staggering $864 and is now up over $1,700 in the last two sessions alone. Relationship Moke seems focused and committed and looks to be well on his way to a huge 2009. In addition, Moke’s also a heck of a nice guy and may soon be pushing Msgr. Hauer for the most important distinction of them all: this blogger’s favorite card player. We’ll wait for one more winning session before making any bold proclamations there.
Mr. Chad also had another huge night winning $800 and is now +$1988 for the year in just three sessions played. Mr. Chad, however, has not earned the respect that Moke has so far this year by winning on some horrific suck outs that have drawn the ire of many of his competitors. Mr. Chad’s Pizzera Uno Bad Play of the Night was a call on two re-raises pre-flop (including a $300 plus “all in” re-raise) with just pocket jacks against Sir Lawrence’s pocket aces. Mr. Chad rivered the only available jack in the deck sending our beloved host into a predictable tirade but, more importantly, sending $1000 over to Mr. Chad. The other big hand of the night was also a big river “suck out” with Chad’s baby flush draw hitting to beat a set. So, Mr. Chad got his money in bad twice and was bailed out with minimal odds, twice, in the same night and won $800. We still love Mr. Chad however, and hope he uses some of these winnings to finally stop being so stubborn and get a haircut (we kid, Mr. Chad, because we are jealous of the hair that we can no longer grow).
Our host, Sir Lawrence, had a good night (+$310) despite the aforementioned brutal beat although his whining reached record levels after his big loss to Mr. Chad. Msgr. Hauer, STILL this blogger’s favorite card player, dipped into the red this year after dropping $300 and Michael E. Kiner, trying to win some wedding money, won 1/3 of one guest’s steak dinner at his May wedding by grinding out $26 in profits.
TJ started the night hot and was up a couple of hundred dollars at which point he turned into the world’s most ironic bank by lending gobs of money to Chommie (more on him in a minute). After taking a bad beat, however, TJ quickly lost his cool and started straddling like G Ron on his new work friend Brad- aggressively and without apology. Wins turned into losses and TJ took his familiar place back as debtor and firmly in the loser category dropping $400. As for Mr. St. Clair, he took the place of the other Kevin, “Mr. Cooper”, and folded quickly, quietly, politely and often, ultimately losing $150.
Joseph J. Crawford was lured back to the basement, much like his lookalike Desmond from LOST to the island, once again by forces beyond his understanding or control. Joey continued his disappointing run of second best hands and get pummeled yet again extending a miserable 2009. Lawns can’t grow fast enough for Mr. Crawford’s landscaping business. Crawford’s night included his 8th retirement speech in as many weeks officially tying him with Brett Favre in the category of “Most annoying ongoing retirement talk without actually doing it”. Joe, see you on Thursday.
Finally, last but not least is Chommie (aka Chom-a-long-a-ding-dong) who has taken the torch from Drunk, Action, Racist Dan as the most entertainingly bad player in the tri-state area. Chommie got busted on FIVE separate occasions, or two more times than he got busted by the Philadelphia cops several years ago when he was the subject of a drug sting. As previously mentioned, Chommie’s low point was borrowing money from TJ at interest rates that would have made a mobster blush. Despite only playing twice in January, Chommie is on pace to lose nearly $17,000 this year. A bottle of VO and the development of a repetitive signature phrase like “Good Luck Lar” is all that separates Chommie from Drunk Action Dan at this point.
The big winner of the night was Brian “Moke” Milewski who won a staggering $864 and is now up over $1,700 in the last two sessions alone. Relationship Moke seems focused and committed and looks to be well on his way to a huge 2009. In addition, Moke’s also a heck of a nice guy and may soon be pushing Msgr. Hauer for the most important distinction of them all: this blogger’s favorite card player. We’ll wait for one more winning session before making any bold proclamations there.
Mr. Chad also had another huge night winning $800 and is now +$1988 for the year in just three sessions played. Mr. Chad, however, has not earned the respect that Moke has so far this year by winning on some horrific suck outs that have drawn the ire of many of his competitors. Mr. Chad’s Pizzera Uno Bad Play of the Night was a call on two re-raises pre-flop (including a $300 plus “all in” re-raise) with just pocket jacks against Sir Lawrence’s pocket aces. Mr. Chad rivered the only available jack in the deck sending our beloved host into a predictable tirade but, more importantly, sending $1000 over to Mr. Chad. The other big hand of the night was also a big river “suck out” with Chad’s baby flush draw hitting to beat a set. So, Mr. Chad got his money in bad twice and was bailed out with minimal odds, twice, in the same night and won $800. We still love Mr. Chad however, and hope he uses some of these winnings to finally stop being so stubborn and get a haircut (we kid, Mr. Chad, because we are jealous of the hair that we can no longer grow).
Our host, Sir Lawrence, had a good night (+$310) despite the aforementioned brutal beat although his whining reached record levels after his big loss to Mr. Chad. Msgr. Hauer, STILL this blogger’s favorite card player, dipped into the red this year after dropping $300 and Michael E. Kiner, trying to win some wedding money, won 1/3 of one guest’s steak dinner at his May wedding by grinding out $26 in profits.
TJ started the night hot and was up a couple of hundred dollars at which point he turned into the world’s most ironic bank by lending gobs of money to Chommie (more on him in a minute). After taking a bad beat, however, TJ quickly lost his cool and started straddling like G Ron on his new work friend Brad- aggressively and without apology. Wins turned into losses and TJ took his familiar place back as debtor and firmly in the loser category dropping $400. As for Mr. St. Clair, he took the place of the other Kevin, “Mr. Cooper”, and folded quickly, quietly, politely and often, ultimately losing $150.
Joseph J. Crawford was lured back to the basement, much like his lookalike Desmond from LOST to the island, once again by forces beyond his understanding or control. Joey continued his disappointing run of second best hands and get pummeled yet again extending a miserable 2009. Lawns can’t grow fast enough for Mr. Crawford’s landscaping business. Crawford’s night included his 8th retirement speech in as many weeks officially tying him with Brett Favre in the category of “Most annoying ongoing retirement talk without actually doing it”. Joe, see you on Thursday.
Finally, last but not least is Chommie (aka Chom-a-long-a-ding-dong) who has taken the torch from Drunk, Action, Racist Dan as the most entertainingly bad player in the tri-state area. Chommie got busted on FIVE separate occasions, or two more times than he got busted by the Philadelphia cops several years ago when he was the subject of a drug sting. As previously mentioned, Chommie’s low point was borrowing money from TJ at interest rates that would have made a mobster blush. Despite only playing twice in January, Chommie is on pace to lose nearly $17,000 this year. A bottle of VO and the development of a repetitive signature phrase like “Good Luck Lar” is all that separates Chommie from Drunk Action Dan at this point.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, October 8th Action
This week, our Lederach poker crew of degenerate gamblers convened on Wednesday night in order to leave us the opportunity to spend more time with our loved ones on Thursday night: Cole Hamels, Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and the rest of our Phillies. For those counting at home, six wins until a parade and a lifetime of humiliation, pain and torment is all relieved. Once again, I digress.
As for the action itself, we played six-handed with the “quickly becoming extremely annoying” late arrival from Sir Lawrence to his own game along with the usual fashionably late arrival from Joseph J. Crawford and the unexcused late arrival from Msgr. Michael J. Hauer. Sir Lawrence arrived straight off a 30 hour bender of poker at the Borgata where he spent a majority of his time bullying tourists, building his stacks and, presumably, becoming the first Hold ‘Em player ever to place an order for chunky peanut butter with a cocktail waitress. Sir Lawrence, always difficult to look at even at even on his best day, looked much worse off without his beauty sleep although his game certainly didn’t suffer at all. In fact, Sir Lawrence won nearly $1,000 for the night by playing his usual assortment of garbage hands and bullying his way to victory or sucking out on his poor, unsuspecting guests. All of this is discussed further in painful detail below. Sir Lawrence needs to be given some credit, however, as he is now lapping the field and up to nearly $7,000 in profits for the year. Well done, Larry, now please take a shower, get some sleep and use some mouthwash. Your melting face scared us.
Kevin T. Cooper celebrating Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, had a volatile night losing early, winning in the middle and losing late for a total of -$165. Mr. Cooper got felted early on by Sir Lawrence after his good call post flop with an over pair on a big all-in bet ended up losing to Sir Lawrence’s flush draw that hit. Mr. Cooper, clearly cranky and nearly delirious from the 46 minutes of fasting he had done at that point to atone for his numerous sins over the past year, threw a temper tantrum and threatened to quit before wisely cashing back in. Mr. Cooper eventually won approximately $500 less than an hour later on back-to-back hands, the second one cracking Drunk Action Dan with trip 4’s. The Gandhi-like starvation eventually got to Mr. Cooper as he continued his self destructive habit of making bizarre minimum raises into big pots with awful hands. Overall, a lousy night for Mr. Cooper. Let’s just hope God noticed all that fasting in the past 22 hours and is a little friendlier on the river to Mr. Cooper the next 12 months.
As for other players, Michael J. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite poker player, had a wild night resulting in losses of his total buy-in of $300. Msgr. Hauer was out of sorts from the start, arriving late and coming in and mysteriously finding Mr. Cooper raising pre-flop on back-to-back hands. That should have been a sign to Msgr. Hauer that something strange was in the air and it wasn’t to be his night. Msgr. Hauer had a chance to finally solve his enigma, Drunk Action Dan, and felt him for the first time in many sessions. Instead, Drunk Action Dan hit his two runners for a split pot on a big hand where he was way behind. It was all downhill from there for Msgr. Hauer. Later on, Msgr. Hauer was pushed off a huge hand on the river, again with a chance to bust Drunk Action Dan, on Drunk Action Dan’s big Ace high bluff on the river. Not to be outdone, landscaper extraordinaire Joe Crawford re-raised Msgr. Hauer out of a hand later on in the night, also with nothing in his hand. Finally, Msgr. Hauer finished his night with a brutal beat as he flopped a full house against arch-nemesis Sir Lawrence only to see Sir Lawrence, once again, hit his runners for a better full house and bust Msgr. Hauer. Hopefully the Titans early season Super Bowl push will ease some of his pain.
Dana continued his plunge into oblivion by dropping nearly $300 for the night. In fact, the only real highlight of Mr. Dana’s night was winning a pointless $25 side bet with sleepy Larry on whether or not he had a hand he claimed he did. After Dana’s first four sessions of the year, he was up over $1600 and now, lo these many months later, Dana has officially fallen into the red for the year. It’s only speculation but, clearly, Mr. Dana’s recent non-poker association with Drunk Action Dan has not been good for his game. Dumb stat of the week: All 3 players whose names start with “Dan” are in the red for the year.
Joseph J. Crawford returned back to his typical form that everyone knows and loves: Get beat up early, keep battling and ultimately win at the end. Think Rocky but if Rocky had long shaggy hair, mulched your garden for you and was working on a thesis for the last 12 years. Anyway, Joe got cracked, not once but twice and found himself down over $300 and within $70 of being done for the night before getting all-in against Sir Lawrence way behind in the hand but caught up with his specialty, the two card running flush. Joseph J. Crawford used the momentum from that hand to push Msgr. Hauer out of the big hand described above and ultimately scrapped his way to an $80 profit for the night. Once again, well done brother.
And, finally, last but never least, Drunk Action Dan had his most mellow night of the year very quietly losing his $300 with almost all of it going on the aforementioned trip 4’s to Mr. Cooper. Drunk Action Dan played sober and seemed confused by the Wednesday night game as it did not happen to coincide with any football or baseball action and allow him to lose even more money than just his normal poker losses. Either way, Drunk Action Dan is now down over $7,600 for the year. The race is on between Drunk Action Dan and the Dow to see which will cross 8,000 first. For the first time, we can actually say we’ll put our money on Drunk Action Dan.
Go Phils.
As for the action itself, we played six-handed with the “quickly becoming extremely annoying” late arrival from Sir Lawrence to his own game along with the usual fashionably late arrival from Joseph J. Crawford and the unexcused late arrival from Msgr. Michael J. Hauer. Sir Lawrence arrived straight off a 30 hour bender of poker at the Borgata where he spent a majority of his time bullying tourists, building his stacks and, presumably, becoming the first Hold ‘Em player ever to place an order for chunky peanut butter with a cocktail waitress. Sir Lawrence, always difficult to look at even at even on his best day, looked much worse off without his beauty sleep although his game certainly didn’t suffer at all. In fact, Sir Lawrence won nearly $1,000 for the night by playing his usual assortment of garbage hands and bullying his way to victory or sucking out on his poor, unsuspecting guests. All of this is discussed further in painful detail below. Sir Lawrence needs to be given some credit, however, as he is now lapping the field and up to nearly $7,000 in profits for the year. Well done, Larry, now please take a shower, get some sleep and use some mouthwash. Your melting face scared us.
Kevin T. Cooper celebrating Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, had a volatile night losing early, winning in the middle and losing late for a total of -$165. Mr. Cooper got felted early on by Sir Lawrence after his good call post flop with an over pair on a big all-in bet ended up losing to Sir Lawrence’s flush draw that hit. Mr. Cooper, clearly cranky and nearly delirious from the 46 minutes of fasting he had done at that point to atone for his numerous sins over the past year, threw a temper tantrum and threatened to quit before wisely cashing back in. Mr. Cooper eventually won approximately $500 less than an hour later on back-to-back hands, the second one cracking Drunk Action Dan with trip 4’s. The Gandhi-like starvation eventually got to Mr. Cooper as he continued his self destructive habit of making bizarre minimum raises into big pots with awful hands. Overall, a lousy night for Mr. Cooper. Let’s just hope God noticed all that fasting in the past 22 hours and is a little friendlier on the river to Mr. Cooper the next 12 months.
As for other players, Michael J. Hauer, this blogger’s favorite poker player, had a wild night resulting in losses of his total buy-in of $300. Msgr. Hauer was out of sorts from the start, arriving late and coming in and mysteriously finding Mr. Cooper raising pre-flop on back-to-back hands. That should have been a sign to Msgr. Hauer that something strange was in the air and it wasn’t to be his night. Msgr. Hauer had a chance to finally solve his enigma, Drunk Action Dan, and felt him for the first time in many sessions. Instead, Drunk Action Dan hit his two runners for a split pot on a big hand where he was way behind. It was all downhill from there for Msgr. Hauer. Later on, Msgr. Hauer was pushed off a huge hand on the river, again with a chance to bust Drunk Action Dan, on Drunk Action Dan’s big Ace high bluff on the river. Not to be outdone, landscaper extraordinaire Joe Crawford re-raised Msgr. Hauer out of a hand later on in the night, also with nothing in his hand. Finally, Msgr. Hauer finished his night with a brutal beat as he flopped a full house against arch-nemesis Sir Lawrence only to see Sir Lawrence, once again, hit his runners for a better full house and bust Msgr. Hauer. Hopefully the Titans early season Super Bowl push will ease some of his pain.
Dana continued his plunge into oblivion by dropping nearly $300 for the night. In fact, the only real highlight of Mr. Dana’s night was winning a pointless $25 side bet with sleepy Larry on whether or not he had a hand he claimed he did. After Dana’s first four sessions of the year, he was up over $1600 and now, lo these many months later, Dana has officially fallen into the red for the year. It’s only speculation but, clearly, Mr. Dana’s recent non-poker association with Drunk Action Dan has not been good for his game. Dumb stat of the week: All 3 players whose names start with “Dan” are in the red for the year.
Joseph J. Crawford returned back to his typical form that everyone knows and loves: Get beat up early, keep battling and ultimately win at the end. Think Rocky but if Rocky had long shaggy hair, mulched your garden for you and was working on a thesis for the last 12 years. Anyway, Joe got cracked, not once but twice and found himself down over $300 and within $70 of being done for the night before getting all-in against Sir Lawrence way behind in the hand but caught up with his specialty, the two card running flush. Joseph J. Crawford used the momentum from that hand to push Msgr. Hauer out of the big hand described above and ultimately scrapped his way to an $80 profit for the night. Once again, well done brother.
And, finally, last but never least, Drunk Action Dan had his most mellow night of the year very quietly losing his $300 with almost all of it going on the aforementioned trip 4’s to Mr. Cooper. Drunk Action Dan played sober and seemed confused by the Wednesday night game as it did not happen to coincide with any football or baseball action and allow him to lose even more money than just his normal poker losses. Either way, Drunk Action Dan is now down over $7,600 for the year. The race is on between Drunk Action Dan and the Dow to see which will cross 8,000 first. For the first time, we can actually say we’ll put our money on Drunk Action Dan.
Go Phils.
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